Anugerah DIA

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time is killing me!

Salam sayang untuk semua

Well,well, the ENT will reach its end this coming April followed by the end course exam!And also,we need to start the Opthal course earlier.Means,we have to attend the lecture all together with Egyptians starting from tomorrow.Our official Malaysian Students lecture will only start after the ENT end course exam.But,being the main subject,the biggest subject for 4th years medical student in Kasr El Ein Medical School,we need to know this subject earlier.Fits the name very well! Our univ is the greatest at this eye thing,so we have to take the extra input on this subject!

What makes us more rushing is,only at this time,with no more free time left,and when we have to start covering up those 2 past subject (forensic and Community Med) that were no more in our memory, plus the present subject ENT -plus the extra Opthal lecture-, then only... the Univ comes up with this Communication Skill program that will be held for 5 weeks upcoming!Why during the 2 hours lecture of forensic /day they didn't finish this extra program?They do nothing wrong...just didn't manage this thing correctly.After finishing the Opthal round,there will be only 1 week before the BIG FINAL EXAM! And will i manage to cover up these 4 subjects in a week??

There're  no more free leisure times left dear friends.We need to speed up now.Give a break to those movies , games,facebooking ,blogging, novels and all those rest time we enjoy!The popular fact of  4th year is  the honeymoon years wasn't true at all!The more free time you have,the more you waste it! I need to make my strategical plan of study right now.I want to go through the final exam confidently!More important,i'll be back to Malaysia before the result.So i need to do it very well!

Sunday       : Opthal extra lecture
Monday     : ENT lec
Tuesday     : ENT lec + Communication Skill
Wed          : ENT lec
Thurs         : ENT lec + Tajwid class
Friday        : Qiraat n Hafazan Class
Saturday    : Tajwid class


12th june  :community medicine
19th june  : forensic and toxicology
23th june  :opthalmology
27th june  :ear nose and throat

30th june  :ENT
3rd july    : Opthal
5th july    : Forensic & Toxicology
7th july    : Community Med

Allah,mudahkan urusan kami.Berikan kepada kami ketenangan dan hidupkan hati kami dalam iman. Berikan kami kefahaman para anbia' dan malaikatmu.Terangi hati kami sebagaimana ENGKAU terangi siangmu dengan mentari dan malammu dengan kerlipan bintang2.PadaMU kami bertawakkal.

"Allahhumma ahsin a'kibatana fi umurina kullaha wa ajirna minnal khizyiddunia wal a'zabalakhirah"

all done


Everything went well though there was little pain!
Thanks to Baizura (again),Mufid and my dearest for being there with me!

Well,as i told before,the earlier treatment didn't go well with me.The vesicle that should be formed,showed no sign.No other way,the doctor had to cut off the skin of mine,which wasn't the procedure he plan to!Cutting of the skin wasn't a nice experience to gain to... Very painful indeed but i did well.Just little shout and scream but i turned out to be the calmest person ever!Erm... actually,i started the procedure by kicking out the legs towards the doctor and didn't lie still.I moved nervously and told the doctor to keep the surgical knife away!Then with a serious face he told me "stop moving or else you may injure me and yourself".

The doctor advice me not to go to class again tomorrow.So i'll have a complete 5 days of holiday!I started missing to make usual noise in class! Hik3....everyone is waiting for my come back eh??

This area should not touch any drop of  water for 4 days and i need to take antibiotic and some cream to rub on it!Cover it with sterilize gauze and have enough rest.

Alhamdulillah again and i hope this pain won't recur. Enough with one great experience! Go syida go..Be strong.This will be our memory of friendship.10 years to come,we'll laugh at this together!

thanks to ramisah aini for the cute white rose.i Love it very much!

Thanks to Mufidah for the choc and your concern and your time!

Zety,thanks to you tooo for the big choc!

HE- the one that i miss so much!

Salam sayang penuh kerinduan

Sedang berusaha menyiapkan nota throat dan menunggu saat tiba malam nanti!
Tiba-tiba rasa rindu pula dekat WAE ADEEE ( nama manja Wan Muhammad Adam Haziq), anak kecil yang menemani cuti 3 bulan saya di Malaysia.Yang menghilangkan kesunyian dan ketakutan berseorangan di rumah!

Duduk dengan budak kecil yang hanya tahu few words really need lots of patience! He cries when hungry,he cries also when he boo boo ,he cries if he didn't get the thing he wants and cry is the only way of communication! Kesabaran paling banyak diperlukan as sometime ada sesetengah orang really annoyed by baby's cry,right?

On biggest satisfaction when taking care of this little angle is getting him on bed! One great achievement if you succeed to get him  on sleep as he'll cry his throat out whenever he felt sleepy!No,Haziq wasn't like the other baby that will sleep when you put him on comfortable place,give soft tap on his back ,sing the lullaby song while he's suckling the bottle's milk!No,no..not at all.He only sleeps when he is on my lap!The way of how i get him on sleep really make ayah angry.He told me that this boys will be more and more manja afterwards!Huhu..but,this is the only way,ayah!

Whenever he didn't feel the warm of mine,he'll wake up,open widely the eyes and here he goes again~ cry and cry...No other choice.Be at his side until he's no more aware of the surrounding! Only during his sleeping time,i got the chances to cook the lunch,washing the clothes,feeding the 20 cats,brooming the room,and had my own bath! 

No kidding!Haziq once crying outside the bathroom and calling "tatat! tatat! (cute pronunciation of kakak) and smashing the door even though my mum already with him! When i cooked,he'll be around the kitchen,has no interest to the TV.Playing around with lesung (fav thing of Haziq), opened up the cabinet,spinning the basin,bitting the onion and garlic and everything that you, yourself won't imagine it will happen!

He knows really well the word "air"..When i said "air" to him,immediately he ran to the green basket of his own,took out the green towel,put it on his shoulder and ran to the usual bathroom i used to bathe him! Hoho...that was the greatest success of him as my house has 6 bathrooms!First thing he did in the bathroom was- open his mouth under the running water and "gulp"..and followed by me,screamed angrily!He really knew how to get my nerve!But good thing abaout Haziq,he knew how to rub his fat belly on his own with the foamy soap which he likes the most! And other thing,when he made a boo boo,he'll go to me and make this sound to me "yek..tatat...yek..yek" .Then i knew i had to clean it up!

Finishing the bath is one thing,but yet another big thing is getting him ready with the cloth and diapers! Wasn't an easy thing to force an active baby to lie still! I need to distract his attention from blocking me doing my job by giving him something else to play with.Or i just need to talk to him and make him smile and forget about my hand that still put the diaper on! 

He loves to play with the cats the most.He'll be the happiest when it's time to feed the cats! He'll be tailing me all the ways around! Our cats live in their own house that big enough for 5 people to get in! Whenever i feed them,i'll go inside and leave  Haziq outside.I'll be the cat also and here comes the cry again! Huhu....ah...Haziq loves to play with the cat's nose and he call them "meow" -just like me!

Haziq has a very very curly hair that makes him looks like a girl! And i don't love that curly hair which opposite his mum's opinion that loves to keep the hair long! botakkan~~

I miss him so much but i know he don't remember me~~~ :(..Whenever i call home,he'll be one of my WAJIB Qs.Did he knows how to speak,did he's getting bigger,did he is still obese,who take care of him and etc..Lucky of me,my little bro loves to tell me everything about him.Whenever adik asks him, "mane kakak" ,then he'll answers "tak Nik"!! Which is my other sis! He's totally forget about me! *sigh*

He'll be 2years in June and i hope he learns how to speak well and gets some weight loss.Oh, he's a giant baby!

Before -look at that curly long hair!

  After-cuter when botak!

Haziq,tatat miss you soo much!

the pain

I'm now on a very intense killing pain that make me want to amputate this leg and throw it away!

After few days waiting,here come the minor operation! I don't want to write too long.Just simply on the procedure i'ved been through!

1) cut off the superficial dead skin

2) using nitrogen **** (don't know the exact name) spray 190 degree below zero onto the open skin

The second step was the worst.It feels like pinching,scratching,incising your own skin.Very painful enough to make me shouting!even i never been to snowy place,at last i know how's the frost bite is! But this is rather extreme than frost bite itself as i expose my skin 190 degree below the zero level!!!! But,the outstanding achievement of mine tonight is- i don't cry even a drop! But i think i nearly broke the fingers of Sal and Bai whose holding me tightly!

After this spray,the doctor said there will be a vesicle formation,no pain! You can even walk or run! doctor.I won't believe you! This killing pain is enough already to tell me what -no pain- means to you.Or i just being "manja"?

I'm now surfing the internet right on my bed after taking 2 tablets of analgesic to kill this pain.But up till now,it gives NO effect! The intense pain is still here.It comes and goes.Like someone  inserting your skin with needle and burn it right away after that.I don't know how can i describe this pain,but it's REALLY REALLY PAINFUL!

I just need to wait for the vesicle to form and go to the doctor next sunday to cut off the skin.Wah,this one is real operation neh! After removing the vesicle,i should cover it with sterilize gauze and do not let the water touch this area for 3 days! Can i survive the pain???

So,pray for me!

i think i need to do something to distract the pain away from my sense!
i am going to call cik ayah at home that surely don't have enough sleep just because worrying of me!

Hah, saya berdoa semoga dengan setiap kesakitan yang saya rasa ini,jadi kafarah dosa2 saya.Seronoknya sakit bila tahu bersabar.Moga dengan kesabaran ini mampu membuang jauh dosa2 nan menggunung itu! Yey!




Hari ini Allah bagi kekuatan untuk saya sekali lagi ke Operation Theatre (OT) selepas pengalaman bermakna minggu lepas.Kali ini saya buat persediaan lebih awal.Sebelum pergi,saya siap bersarapan untuk mengelakkan hypoglycemic due stress nanti.On the way to hospital,i bought my self chocolate.Just in case!

Sampai sana,we changed into our surgical suit.Yep,new rule-each student has to wear a complete set of surgical suit before entering the OT- Masuk kawasan OT saya ke room number 4 -usually used for major operation.Here,there was a child already on anaesthesia with wide open mouth.Lynne already there and she told us this was the tonsillectomy-removal of the tonsil-.Actually,at the time we reached there,the surgery was already near its end.Don't see much but enough to give me a little motivation to be a strong girl today!

Then,we enter the 3rd OT where there was a woman about 3o years old laid flat on the bed,still conscious.The anaesthetic was doing their job.Took a quite long period to anaesthetise this patient.Then,the nurse put on some iodine around the face and closed the eye after putting some gel on it.A doctor there told us that they will do the inferior turbinectomy -partial removal of the elevation part of the nasal cavity that hypertrophied due to allergic-

After the anaesthetic showed the effect,a doctor came in and started to widen the nose.First,he took a small scissor-like instrument(don't know what exactly the correct name) and started to cut the inside part.No,i couldn't see anything except the cutting sound! The doctor clung his teeth while doing the cutting!Then,a very big long meat like came out from the nose-very big that we won't believe that this long big hypertrophied turbinate had a space in this tiny little nose of us.That's why it caused the difficulty of breathing.It is contraindicated to pull out all part of turbinate as it will result in a very roomy nose that need to be compensated by again,hypertrophied turbinate.For your knowledge,turbinate is a structure that control the amount of air that enter the nose.So if the room is very big,so the air that enter will also increased.In order to work effectively,the turbinate will enlarged to make it less roomy.

I waited till the doctor woke the patient up.The patient was left with the anaesthetic while the ENT doctor that did the surgery was nowhere seen.The anaesthetic do some massage at the lower part of the face and told the patient " Khud annafs min buuk"-take the breath by your mouth-.The patient slowly regained her concsiousness and here came the fantastic moment-"Madam,ulli alhamdulillah..ulli alhamdulillah-say alhamdulillah-.He kept repeating this sentence up till the patient did mention the word "ALHAMDULILLAH".The doctor then smiled and with a relief face he just told that "the patient is now ok!"

Me,watching by side of the room,felt that,how big is the role of a doctor.Not just treat the physical illness but more important the batinniyah! Deep inside my heart-yes,i want to be a doctor just like this! Not many from doctor nowadays that indirectly put the da'wah element in their practise! I want to be ONE that did!

And last case that i attended was a myringoplasty operation.This operation is simply to replace the perforated drum by new one.The graft was taken from cartilage of the tragus-small elevation before entering the ear on face site-.After opened up the tragus,the doctor cut out a little piece of cartilage and put it down onto the perforated drum to close up the hole.This graft will act as a bridge for the epithelium growth of the new drum!

There was no major operation today but alhamdulillah,i did'nt faint this time! Yey! Inoue is getting stronger and insyaALLAH will be lot more stronger afterwards! Cik,time kasih give me the advice- Selawat byk2 before entering the OT and ask allah for the strength.Alhamdulillah,it worked today!

semua milik DIA

Malam tadi saya tidur agak lambat dek kerana my ear's notes aren't completed yet.It was about 2 am when i finally laid back on my hard bed trying to sleep.Masa dalam tengah proses menyiapkan note,laptop tak pula tutup.Di buka all night long up till 2 am.Tetapi email2 yang masuk , i just ignored them all and focussed on this one important target i needed to reach.Because of my ignorance,i neglected one extremely important email about our deary Ami.

Not untill i woke up the next morning,then i knew something that tore my heart badly.Ami just loss her dad 2am,this morning,the same time i went to my bed.And what make it looked more bad,i didn't even read the 1st email from Ami telling everyone that her dad was on the way to the hospital and she asked for her friends to pray for the best.

After finishing my bath and Dhuha pray,i left home early to Ami's house straight away.Suprisingly,she didn't even cried a drop.Calmly she told us about the details and smiled all way through!Deep inside me,i'm myself not even know,how am i going to react for this kind of situation.


From ALLAH we come and for sure to HIM we'll be returned to!

Moga beliau berbahagia menjadi kekasih Allah di sana dan bergembira kerana telah kembali kepada rahmat kasih sayang ALLAH.

And for Ami,ALLAH gives you this kind of hardness just simply because HE LOVE YOU!Be a solehah daughter that never forget to pray for the one that gives life to you!May Allah give the strength to you and insyaALLAH,we'll be always here!

Bila telefon soalan pertama ayah "Inoue sihat? Tak sakit perut doh?" Then followed by another routine Q " Study boleh ke?Mane senang dengan yang dulu?" .Ayah kurang bercerita dengan anak-anak.Selalu kalau telefon ayah hanya akan cakap paling lama 5 min.Bila ayah nak stop cakap,ayah MESTI akan tanya "Inoue ade nak oyat gapo2 lagi x? Kalu ado,oyat la,ayah dengar"...and me,i will end the conversation just by telling him "NO"~..SO each time,the call just ended up by those word :NO!

Cik,sangat berbeza dengan ayah.Cik suka bercakap.Mengadu dia penat kena lipat kain banyak,basuh baju,jemur baju.Nak sapu rumah yang bersepah.Selalu saya telefon cik waktu cik nak siap-siap ke sekolah.Mesti tak dapat nak cakap lama.Sebab selalu waktu tu,cik agak kalut.Nak pakai baju,nak kejut adik solat,nak jemur baju.Cik dia selalu mengaji Quran sebelum turun ke sekolah.Lepas mengaji,cik akan turun jemur kain dan hantar adik ke sekolah.Bila balik sekolah,cik kena masak sebab anak2 perempuan dia semua jauh dari cik.Kesian cik,penat berkerja tak hilang tapi dah kena mula kerja di dapur.Selalu kalau ada along,atau ateen atau saya,cik memang takkan masuk dapur.Cuma akan jadi komander yang memberi arahan.Bila cuti 3 bulan ,mesti saya yang akan masak sepanjang 3 bulan tu,hingga kadang2 saya rasa sangat bosan!Pernah suatu hari,lewat tengah hari,saya telefon cik di sekolah dan cakap,saya tak nak dah masak .Tak tahu nak masak apa! Pening fikir! Cik membalas " Hah,tu baru 3 bulan,cuba bayangkan cik ni dah puluh2 tahun tak penah mengadu bosan pun!" .Terkedu saya.Bukan senangkan nak jadi seorang ibu,seorang isteri,dan seorang menantu,seorang yang berkerjaya!Semua susah dan memerlukan pengorbanan yang besar.

Saya paling suka mesej cik sebab bila reply,cik mesti bagi ayat2 sastera bak sang kekasih bermain kata dengan kekasihnya.Ayat2 cik sungguh jiwang hingga kadang2 saya rasa terharu.Bila minta cik doakan apa2 yang saya nak buat,cik mesti cakap :

"Doa cik kepada anak2 sepanjang hayat,Anak2 anugerah terindah untuk cik.Doakan yang terbaik untuk keluarga kita"

Sungguh,kematian itu sebagai satu peringatan.Saya belum bersedia untuk kehilangan mereka.Saya masih tak mampu untuk menghadapi saat dimana bila saya rindu mereka,saya dah tak boleh mendengar suara mereka.Bila saya sedih,mereka tiada untuk mendoakan saya.Bila saya tak dapat jawab exam,mereka tak ada untuk menenangkan saya dan bila mana saya dambakan doa dari mereka,mereka tiada untuk doakan saya!Saya masih tak mampu!

Saya tahu ,mereka anugerah ALLAH untuk saya.Melihat mereka sahaja sudah mendapat pahala.Saya tahu,apa sahaja milik ALLAH dan setiap semuanya akan kembali kepada ALLAH...Tapi hingga sekarang saya tak sanggup lepaskan mereka lagi!

Moga ALLAH memberi yang terbaik untuk ayah dan cik saya.Saya telah banyak mennyinggung hati keduanya terutama ayah.Luka yang saya hiriskan pada mereka,hanya ALLAH yang mampu ampuni saya.Saya tahumereka memaafkan setiap kesalahan saya sebab kasih mereka tak pernah bersyarat.....Kalau saya buat silap,mereka maafkan.Saya sakiti mereka,mereka tetap melayan saya sebagai anak manja.Kadang2 saya pentingkan diri,tetapi mereka setiap saat memikirkan kebahagiaan anak2.Sungguh,cinta mereka tanpa SATU SYARAT sekalipun! Biar hodoh,biar buruk,biar jahat,Inilah anak yang mereka sayangi dan cintai.Moga saat saya punya keluarga sendiri kelak,dia yang bakal menjadi suami saya mampu menandingi cinta tanpa syarat ini dan saya sendiri mampu menjadi ibu terbaik untuk anak2 saya kelak.Dan suami saya kelak memberi saya peluang untuk berbakti kepada cik dan ayah yang telah membesarkan saya sebelum saya bersatu dengannya.

"Moga saat mereka pergi menghadap ALLAH adalah saat di mana saya paling redha"

Moga Allah beri saya kesempatan untuk berbakti pada cik dan ayah

Berikan kesihatan kepada mereka
Hidupkan mereka dalam keamanan dan ketenangan Islammu ya ALLAH
Jauhi mereka dari malapetaka dan bencana
Lindungi mereka dari fitnah syaitan,dajjal dan fitnah manusia
Permudahkan segala urusan mereka
Luaskan rezeki mereka
Satukan mereka dalam kasih sayangMu
dan kurniakan mereka anak yang soleh yang mampu untuk mendoakan mereka kelak
dan ALLAH,jadikan mereka ahli jannah tertinggiMU!


p/s : i call my mum-cik~ sort of family's way of calling the mother.

1 May2010
"after tahlil untuk ayahanda Ami Farhani yang pergi meninggalkan dunia penuh dugaan"