the first the worst

9.00am eagerly rushing to OT (Operation Theatre) to have my premier clinical experience! Before entering the gate,i prayed to ALLAH -give me a chance to enter the OT-as before this ,some of my friends didn't get the permission to join the surgery.

Alhamdullilah,we arrived a little bit early before the surgery.There'll be 4 operations today.And lucky of me,i got the chance to see a major operation of UNSAFE CHRONIC SUPPURATIVE OTITIS MEDIA complicated with BRAIN ABSCESS.After wearing the green surgical suit(though i'ved already got one maroon suit-but then, no one wear this color!), i waited outside the OT with my others friends and Egyptian's students.They claimed today was their day and they got the special invitation from their doctor.Actually, we were fighting for this one major operation while there were still other 3 operation of myringotomy and some simple cases!.Being a malaysian,i guess we have the privilege!Only 4 of us together with other MOs got the tickets to enter the OT!The Egyptian students were chased away to other OT.ngeh3...

The patient already anaesthetised and covered up all over the body.With extremely extraordinary spirit, i followed the senior doctor for observing the CT scan and MRI.The dr showed us the abscess in the brain.But this operation will do nothing to the abscess.Leave it for the neurosurgeon.All they got to do was repaired the ear! Of course -as this is the ENT department.

According to him,the patient will undergoes an operation called RADICAL MASTOIDECTOMY which will remove part of our skull behind the ear.So,the doc started to draw the mark for the incision.At first,i thought he'll be using some sort of special pencil or the same kind of thing.But NO,i wronged!He used the sharp tip of the syringe and drew the line.Little blood came out of this small incision.I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.This was only the beginning.Be strong!

Then,he started to inject saline adrenaline  around the marks to make a clear picture before he cut opened the patient's scalp!.3 big syringe of saline was injected.I felt nauseated.My stomach started to give me strange feeling.Then,the process went on.The doctor started to cut the scalp exposing the underlying layer of skin.

Grrrrr...grrrr...the drilling was started.The burnt of the drilled skull overwhelmed the room full of doctors! Allah,my head was spinning around and my leg got paralysed!I hold tight to Syida's shoulder and she hold me back.I whispered to her "syida,saya nak pengsan".Then everything turned dark!

I heard syida n siti were calling for my name and slapped my cheek.I opened my eyes and realised i was on the floor.My face turned white as the dead person.Nurse there saw me and asked them " huh...pengsan...?" as this was the common thing here in OT.She asked me to have rest in the room.But i tried to be strong and after 10 mins resting,i went back to the OT.The patient's inner ear was fully exposed and the doc was now removing the granulation tissue.At the beginning doctor diagnosed this patient had cholesteatoma but in the middle of the operation,they found this granulation tissue that ruled out other problems eg tumor!.

I went back trying to be strong.But again,maybe i forgot my selawat before entering the room,i collapsed again..Then,i back out there waiting for my strength to build up.After felt strong enough,i went back there and i guessed it work.I did'nt collapse but it was tiring to just stand there for hours.I took the MO's seat though i saw him giving me those look.haha...i did'nt care anymore as long as i could be in here.

Hour and half,still the doctor couldn't figure out what was the main problem.Duhr's azan could be heard from outside.and the clock showed it was already 12noon.I thought,this is it.I couldn't wait any longer as my leg had no strength to stand for other 2 hours  or more.

Out from OT and went to buy the choc milk and bread to replace my depleted glucose back there in OT.My nausea and headache ran away after walking out from OT!Actually,the operation was erm,i myself not sure whether it reach half of the way or not,but for sure,i left the OT before it is completed.And i didn't even  know the exact diagnosis of this patient!

Actually,this really make me sad.Yes,i never experience this scary situation right in front of this 2 eyes.Even last year when my friend invited me to join her doing the attachment at hospital,i refused.Because of what? I am not brave enough to face all these doctor's stuff.Even up till now,i still need at least 5 person to hold me tight whenever i have to be injected!

How can i overcome this fear? I really want to practice medicine in  3 years to come.I am now the 4th year medicine student but still i can't even hold myself! Allah,i know YOU are the ONE that can help me go through this and from you i ask the strength! Give me the courage to face all this and insyaALLAH,next time i'll try again.Even mum told me to get use if this and prepare myself for the carrier ahead!

I'll try again and again.I hope i get habituated with this blood and smell and who know this chicken doc-to-be will be the greatest doc in the future! Ameen!

Wallahua'lam

KAU YANG KU RINDUI

Menyelusuri sejarah hidupmu kau dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang mulia di kalangan kaummu.Bani Hashim,kedudukan kerabatmu terlalu tinggi hingga mereka tak mampu mencari cacat cela keturunanmu.Mereka gagal mencari kelemahan padamu.

Yatimmu ketika dirimu masih terlalu kecil.Kehilangan kedua ibubapamu menjadikan kau insan yang tabah dan kuat.Matangnya dirimu bila mana kau diajar hidup di gurun sana bersama ternakan kambingmu.Di usia mudamu,kau tertarik pada keraian Mekah.Kau mendengar lagu dimainkan.Dirimu punya rasa tetapi ALLAH melindungimu dari maksiat dan noda lantas ditidurkanmu.Maka,terpeliharalah dirimu dari sekecil-kecil dosa itu.

Kecerdikan akalmu terbukti bila mana kau menjadi hakim pada pergaduhan antara tribe yang berebut mahu meletakkan hajarul aswad bila mana kaabah dilanda banjir.Ilmu kebijaksanaan mu menghalang pertumpahan darah dari berlaku.

Kejujuranmu menawan hati semua yang memandangmu termasuk ummul mukminin Khadijah yang meminangmu di saat dikau masih lagi di awal usiamu.Darinya,lahir zuriatmu yang mulia yang kau cintai dan sayangi.Genap umurmu 40thun di saat kau benci melihat kemaksiatan kaummu,kau berlalu seorang diri.Mengadu pada ALLAH,meminta pada tuhan yang mencipta alam ini.

Jibril datang,menyeru kepada mu seruan dari Ilahi.Dirimu gentar,gemuruh,ketakutan.Kau berlari pulang mengadu pada isteri tercinta lantas diminta diselimuti badanmu yang ketakutan.Namun saat itu,kau telah dipilih ALLAH menjadi rasul yang bakal memimpin umat dunia ini hingga ke akhirat kelak.

Perjuangan risalahmu bermula.Kau dikeji,kau dicaci,kau cuba dibunuh.Tapi kau tegar.Hingga mereka hampir putus asa.Namun,kerana hasutan syaitan bermain2 di jiwa mereka,mereka menawarkan kau harta wanita pelbagai.Namun semua itu tiada nilainya berbanding risalah ALLAH yang mulia ini.

Kau dan kaum muslim dipulaukan.Jual beli dengan mu dihalang,nikah kahwin juga tidak diberikan.Dek tekanan yang menyeksa ini,kau arahkan 12 lelaki dan 4 perempuan yang beriman itu mencari ketenangan di Habsyah.

Ujian mendatang.Bapa saudara dan isteri mu pergi di saat kau masih hangat dalam perjuangan.Kesedihan mu tidak melemahkan langsung tugas mu menyampaikan risalah ALLAH.

Datang kaum Ansar menjemput dirimu ke Madinah menjadi pemimpin mereka dan menyelesaikan masalah dikalangan mereka di samping mengajarkan ajaran Islam yang suci ini.Bermula saat hijrahmu bersama sahabat mu yang agung.Abu Bakr.Kesetiaan sebenar seorang sahabat demi ALLAH yang tiada tolok banding.Sanggup dipatuk ular hingga menitis airmata ke pipi mu yang lena di ribanya.Mereka cuba mencari dan mengejarmu tapi ternyata perlindungan ALLAH tiada tolok bandingnya.


Kau tiba di Madinah.Kau disambut penuh kegembiraan.Saat pertama kau tiba,terus kau bina masjid lalu kau solat.Islam di bawah pimpinan kau penuh gemilang hingga suatu hari kau bermimpi kau mengerjakan haji di negeri kelahiranmu,Mekah.Kau rindukan Mekah barangkali.


Berangkat kau ke Mekah bersama Muhajirin penuh kegembiraan mahu kembali ke tanah tumpah darah mereka.Setiba kau di Mekah,terus kau dirikan solat dan kau buang segala sembahan kafir itu.Lantas kau arahkan bilal azan menyeru umat Islam mengesakan ALLAH.

Perjuangan penuh liku namun ternyata setiap yang terjadi menjadi kekuatan pada dirimu.Keyakinan kau pada penciptamu menjadi motivasi terbesar dalam perkembangan Islam ini.Kau tegar walau diseksa mahupun dihina.Kerana kekuatan kau itu,kami nikmati Islam hingga kini.Kami mampu bernafas dalam ruh islam dan iman yang kau dan sahabiahmu utuh memperjuangkannya.

Di khutbah terakhirmu,saat kau memberitahu pada umatmu yang risalah ini telah lengkap,umatmu bergembira.Namun terbukti di sebalik semua itu,ALLAH mahu mengambilmu untuk memuliakanmu disisinya.Sahabat bagai tidak percaya dengan kewafatanmu hinggakan Umar menghunus pedangnya pada mereka yang mengatakan kau telah pergi.Umatmu bersedih namun Abu Bakr lantas berdiri dan berkata:

"oh people,whoever worship Muhammad,Muhammad is dead but whoever whorship ALLAH,ALLAH is alive and will never die"

Umatmu tersedar dan Umar rebah..Kekasih kepada semua umat yang bernyawa pada hari itu telah pergi..Pergi bertemu kekasihnya yang AGUNG!

Oh Muhammad ,rasulullah...
Sungguh kami merindui pertemuan denganmu...
Moga kami mendapat syafaatmu kelak.
Akan kami pelihara risalah ALLAH yang kau bawa
dan akan kami perjuangkan demi kasih kami pada ALLAH dan kau Rasulullah.

Kaulah pemimpin yang terbaik
Kaulah ayah yang paling penyayang
Kaulah suami yang paling berbudi pada isterimu
Kaulah panglima perang yang paling bijaksana
Kaulah selembut-lembut sahabat
Kaulah guru yang paling a'lim
Kaulah yang kami cintai dan sayangi
Kaulah Rasulullah s.a.w

Wallahua'lam.

Salam maulidur rasul

(ditulis secara ringkas,kesilapan fakta minta diberitahu segera)