kura-kura blaja wat kuih
15 years ago
sweet u r!
My routine of Thusrday evening,pick up the headfon and dial the special no of my sweet home! Usually,adik will be the one that pick up the call and layan kakak that talk too much.Adik is the best listener out of all the others and he really has loads of stories to be shared with!
.When we both out of topic to talk,only at that moment,adik will call ayah and cik to take their turn!
But this evening,when the call answered,as usual,i straightly called :ADIK!! in a happy mood.But then,other voice answerd, "ni Icik".
Huhu..the little bro that as much as possible try avoiding my call! Then,with no time,Icik called ayah and cik to take the call and he just ran away."Budak bertuah"!..
After a long conversation with both ,ayah called adik to continue the story telling.Yep,i always finish the call with adik!But then.i heard adik complained that he had loads of homework to be finished and kept babling about not talking to me and want to finish the works!
But ,he took the phone anyway with unfamiliar tone of voice and kept repeating
"adik ni banyak keje nak buat,kalau tak siap baru tahu".After several times of repeating that sentence,then finally he said "hello ,kakak"
Me,with a sad and "majuk" voice quickly said
Oh,How sweet he is.Feeling guilty for treating kakak badly!
Love you adik!
.When we both out of topic to talk,only at that moment,adik will call ayah and cik to take their turn!
But this evening,when the call answered,as usual,i straightly called :ADIK!! in a happy mood.But then,other voice answerd, "ni Icik".
Huhu..the little bro that as much as possible try avoiding my call! Then,with no time,Icik called ayah and cik to take the call and he just ran away."Budak bertuah"!..
After a long conversation with both ,ayah called adik to continue the story telling.Yep,i always finish the call with adik!But then.i heard adik complained that he had loads of homework to be finished and kept babling about not talking to me and want to finish the works!
But ,he took the phone anyway with unfamiliar tone of voice and kept repeating
"adik ni banyak keje nak buat,kalau tak siap baru tahu".After several times of repeating that sentence,then finally he said "hello ,kakak"
Me,with a sad and "majuk" voice quickly said
:Adik,xpe la.gi la buat keje skolah..kakak letak phone ni.Cuma tanyakan dkt cik ayah,ada nak ckp ape2 lagi tak"
The next voice i heard was Cik's..We continue our talk about raya and all about the big day,But suddenly cik said that adik was at her side refused to continue the homework.Cik said he felt guilty for doing such thing to kakak.Cik told adik to go and continue doing the unfinished homework,but still, he was there staring at cik and listened to our conversation.
Cik smiled and gave the phone to adik and here came the happy usual voice of adik again! He talked more than kakak.
The next voice i heard was Cik's..We continue our talk about raya and all about the big day,But suddenly cik said that adik was at her side refused to continue the homework.Cik said he felt guilty for doing such thing to kakak.Cik told adik to go and continue doing the unfinished homework,but still, he was there staring at cik and listened to our conversation.
Cik smiled and gave the phone to adik and here came the happy usual voice of adik again! He talked more than kakak.
Oh,How sweet he is.Feeling guilty for treating kakak badly!
Love you adik!
nina - 1
Nina's talking to her parent telling them why she's moody each time she get to go to the "hadanah". What an intelligent girl she is.Really knows how to talk like an adult!She is 2 years old at this time! i really adore her!
My Love!
16 years ago
Walking back from kindergarten,under red umbrella,happily together with the little sis and cousin of mine.3 little girls walked back home alone after finishing the laugh and fun at the class.Thinking back of this memory,reminded me on how safe the world was,where little girls can walk freely with no worry of stalker,kidnapper,and etc.
That day was thursday,when ayah whose only home once in 2 weeks was back from the rural area he worked at!Everything seems fine up till the evening when i started vomiting non stop together with my cousin.We had the same vomiting and diarhea symptom that didn't show any sign of stopping.Worry of these 2 little girls went paler and weaker,ayah took us to the emergency room and there,the doctor said 2 of us were having food poisoning.But why?.my little sis escaped while us having this food poisoning?
"Cikgu ...nak tambah!"
Huhu..that was the reason why the 2 of us got sick!3 days in hospital with IV fluid for the dehydration.
I had my greatest ayah there with me.Each single hour i had to go to the toilet(the diarhea didn't stop yet).Together with the IV fluid stuck underneath my skin,ayah had no other choice except entered the toilet with me to hold the IV packet!
"Eiiii..busuk la inoue ni"
Me: hik3...sabar ye yah!
There it went for the next 3 days.What a great ayah you are.
But now, i am a big girl that no longer having chances to be with you all the time.Seeing you is impossible.Only hearing the ageing voice through the phone!
Am i ready to be apart from you ayh? Means,really,really not together,not like now?? When i am no longer be yours? Am i ready to be far from you?
Ayah..thanks for raising me up to what i am now!Without you,i am no one!
Selamat hari lahir ayah!
Moga ALLAH merahmati dan menyanyangi ayah.
Terus memberi kesihatan dan kekuatan pada ayah.
Ayah...moga ayah bahagia selalu!
I hope i'll get the love from him just like the love ayh showered me up throughout my life!
And i hope,he'll be the one ayh can count on! InsyaALLAH.
Walking back from kindergarten,under red umbrella,happily together with the little sis and cousin of mine.3 little girls walked back home alone after finishing the laugh and fun at the class.Thinking back of this memory,reminded me on how safe the world was,where little girls can walk freely with no worry of stalker,kidnapper,and etc.
That day was thursday,when ayah whose only home once in 2 weeks was back from the rural area he worked at!Everything seems fine up till the evening when i started vomiting non stop together with my cousin.We had the same vomiting and diarhea symptom that didn't show any sign of stopping.Worry of these 2 little girls went paler and weaker,ayah took us to the emergency room and there,the doctor said 2 of us were having food poisoning.But why?.my little sis escaped while us having this food poisoning?
"Cikgu ...nak tambah!"
Huhu..that was the reason why the 2 of us got sick!3 days in hospital with IV fluid for the dehydration.
I had my greatest ayah there with me.Each single hour i had to go to the toilet(the diarhea didn't stop yet).Together with the IV fluid stuck underneath my skin,ayah had no other choice except entered the toilet with me to hold the IV packet!
"Eiiii..busuk la inoue ni"
Me: hik3...sabar ye yah!
There it went for the next 3 days.What a great ayah you are.
But now, i am a big girl that no longer having chances to be with you all the time.Seeing you is impossible.Only hearing the ageing voice through the phone!
Am i ready to be apart from you ayh? Means,really,really not together,not like now?? When i am no longer be yours? Am i ready to be far from you?
Ayah..thanks for raising me up to what i am now!Without you,i am no one!
Selamat hari lahir ayah!
Moga ALLAH merahmati dan menyanyangi ayah.
Terus memberi kesihatan dan kekuatan pada ayah.
Ayah...moga ayah bahagia selalu!
I hope i'll get the love from him just like the love ayh showered me up throughout my life!
And i hope,he'll be the one ayh can count on! InsyaALLAH.
recent update
Salam sayang for those out there
Just a quick update as this blog has not breath quite a long period.
ENT-Finally end.Means,really ends with the lecture and exam.But not with the final big exam yet.Then,i need to re-re-re open the book and re-read everything and re-memorize all!It this means that i am studying because of the exam? What an attitude!
About the end round exam of ENT...oh,first,the preparation! Erm,everything JUST fine! Though i have lot of times but still that won't be enough with those sleeping,playing times i spend on!But,the period of revising all things of one big subject was really fun and enjoyable, when at the end of the study leave period,you will know every single details about it!You'll be able to re-write all the sentences proudly!And that is priceless! But then,just a minutes after the exam finished,your mind won't remember none of those!Magic it is!
Oh,how was my answer?? :( huhu....the first question took most of my times by thinking which one was the perfect correct answer.I gave 2 answers for that question! Confusing it was as i kept changing the answer in 1 hour period of exam! Gave this first answer big pencil cross then erased it.Then,after a while,the second answer got rejected.I kept doing this up till the last 2mins of exam,i finally make my decision,and choose the answer that i hope will give me the marks! yES,not so happy for being this confused! And i hope there will be not repetition of this!
Then comes our last round -Opthalmology which will start TOMORROW, not today! Thinking of no time for holidays-just Thursday and Friday- i successfully make myself tired and powerless! Thursday,i make my big cooking project starting from the morning up till Asar and then continued with video-making for the GDO(Girl's Day Out) on the next day.Then,rushingly,went to Metro to be at Rub'ah for my Tajwid class up till 9pm.But,i reached home nearly at 10pm! For the eagerness of taking the bus rather than usual taxi!
Reached home with no energy left and cook something to eat before going to sleep! Woke up that morning,re-memorize An Nisa as a preparation for my next class at 11am!After finishing the Qiraat class,having some lunch with Nadira and Siti at Sabi'( this part,i like the most!).Then ,again,took the taxi to ARMA for the GDO that had reached the last part! 15mins there and rushed back home!
After Asar,i was back on street for accompanying my 2 same friends which i have lunch with to do some shopping.Before maghrib,i was home when something bad happened.Sal's keys had lost and after a day it was found on the water pump.Afraid of being duplicated, after Magrib,i back on street looking for the shop to change the door lock of my house.But,being a girl with little experience of this hardware thing,my mission of finding the shop give zero success! Thanks for those helping us get through this little problem!
2 days past with no rest and this morning.lazily woke up for the class,but then,after 20mins walk to the ward 16 and 15mins of waiting,then, i was informed that the actual class is tomorrow!! huhu....
Ok,that is! See ya!
Allah,moga Engkau mudahkan segala yang bakal aku tempuhi dan Kau jadikan segala yang berlaku itu adalah yang terbaik buat aku!
Rabbi yassir wa la tu a'sir!
note: Natrah akan pindah keluar dari rumah ini esok! Then there will be only 4 of us~Sayonara~
Just a quick update as this blog has not breath quite a long period.
ENT-Finally end.Means,really ends with the lecture and exam.But not with the final big exam yet.Then,i need to re-re-re open the book and re-read everything and re-memorize all!It this means that i am studying because of the exam? What an attitude!
About the end round exam of ENT...oh,first,the preparation! Erm,everything JUST fine! Though i have lot of times but still that won't be enough with those sleeping,playing times i spend on!But,the period of revising all things of one big subject was really fun and enjoyable, when at the end of the study leave period,you will know every single details about it!You'll be able to re-write all the sentences proudly!And that is priceless! But then,just a minutes after the exam finished,your mind won't remember none of those!Magic it is!
Oh,how was my answer?? :( huhu....the first question took most of my times by thinking which one was the perfect correct answer.I gave 2 answers for that question! Confusing it was as i kept changing the answer in 1 hour period of exam! Gave this first answer big pencil cross then erased it.Then,after a while,the second answer got rejected.I kept doing this up till the last 2mins of exam,i finally make my decision,and choose the answer that i hope will give me the marks! yES,not so happy for being this confused! And i hope there will be not repetition of this!
Then comes our last round -Opthalmology which will start TOMORROW, not today! Thinking of no time for holidays-just Thursday and Friday- i successfully make myself tired and powerless! Thursday,i make my big cooking project starting from the morning up till Asar and then continued with video-making for the GDO(Girl's Day Out) on the next day.Then,rushingly,went to Metro to be at Rub'ah for my Tajwid class up till 9pm.But,i reached home nearly at 10pm! For the eagerness of taking the bus rather than usual taxi!
Reached home with no energy left and cook something to eat before going to sleep! Woke up that morning,re-memorize An Nisa as a preparation for my next class at 11am!After finishing the Qiraat class,having some lunch with Nadira and Siti at Sabi'( this part,i like the most!).Then ,again,took the taxi to ARMA for the GDO that had reached the last part! 15mins there and rushed back home!
After Asar,i was back on street for accompanying my 2 same friends which i have lunch with to do some shopping.Before maghrib,i was home when something bad happened.Sal's keys had lost and after a day it was found on the water pump.Afraid of being duplicated, after Magrib,i back on street looking for the shop to change the door lock of my house.But,being a girl with little experience of this hardware thing,my mission of finding the shop give zero success! Thanks for those helping us get through this little problem!
2 days past with no rest and this morning.lazily woke up for the class,but then,after 20mins walk to the ward 16 and 15mins of waiting,then, i was informed that the actual class is tomorrow!! huhu....
Ok,that is! See ya!
Allah,moga Engkau mudahkan segala yang bakal aku tempuhi dan Kau jadikan segala yang berlaku itu adalah yang terbaik buat aku!
Rabbi yassir wa la tu a'sir!
note: Natrah akan pindah keluar dari rumah ini esok! Then there will be only 4 of us~Sayonara~
Hakikatnya - doa itu mustajab
Kata ustazah I'ffat habibibati,mo love,a'sullah..
Doa itu mustajab yang hakiki.Hakikatnya Allah tidak pernah menghampakan mana-mana doa yang di pohon dari NYA.Allah Maha Pengasih yang tiada tolok bandingnya.Terlalu mengasihi hambanya yang mengagungkan diriNYA yang maha hebat.
Cumanya terkadang kita sentiasa mempersoalkan kenapa mesti doa aku tidak dimakbulkan.Allah terlepas pandangkah?Tidak sama sekali! Allah itu maha sempurna yang tiada walau sebesar zarah kekurangan padanya.Mustajab doa itu ade peringkatnya:
1) Allah makbulkan doa itu seperti yang kita minta
2) Allah makbulkan doa kita tetapi memberi yang lain yang padaNYA itu lebih baik untuk kita
3) Allah kumpulkan doa2 kita di akhirat
Yang ketiga itu paling bahagia.Selama di dunia,bila mana kita berdoa,dan doa kita itu masih ditangguhkan,kita bersabar dan terus yakin dengan Pemurahnya ALLAH.Dan inilah kebahagian yang abadi.Di akhirat nanti,doa-doa kita menanti kita!
Kita minta di beri kesenangan dan kemewahan,Allah berikan kita kesenangan dan keindahan syurga.
Kita minta di beri kesihatan,Allah berikan kita kesihatan yang tiada pernah kurangnya
Kita minta diberi teman hidup yang baik,ternyata Allah tangguhkan doa kita untuk memberi kita bidadari syurga yang sempurna~
Tenangnya hidup andai yakin pada ALLAH itu sentiasa ada.
Kerana apa?
Bilamana ini yang menjadi pegangan kita,maka,hidup kita tidak akan pernah susah melainkan semua itu datang dari ALLAH untuk mengajar sesuatu kepada kita dan memberi kita satu kelebihan yang tidak akan sama dengan mana-mana kesenangan dunia ini.
Kerana...ALLAH hanya memberi yang terbaik untuk hamba yang sentiasa yakin denganNYA!
Doa itu mustajab yang hakiki.Hakikatnya Allah tidak pernah menghampakan mana-mana doa yang di pohon dari NYA.Allah Maha Pengasih yang tiada tolok bandingnya.Terlalu mengasihi hambanya yang mengagungkan diriNYA yang maha hebat.
Cumanya terkadang kita sentiasa mempersoalkan kenapa mesti doa aku tidak dimakbulkan.Allah terlepas pandangkah?Tidak sama sekali! Allah itu maha sempurna yang tiada walau sebesar zarah kekurangan padanya.Mustajab doa itu ade peringkatnya:
1) Allah makbulkan doa itu seperti yang kita minta
2) Allah makbulkan doa kita tetapi memberi yang lain yang padaNYA itu lebih baik untuk kita
3) Allah kumpulkan doa2 kita di akhirat
Yang ketiga itu paling bahagia.Selama di dunia,bila mana kita berdoa,dan doa kita itu masih ditangguhkan,kita bersabar dan terus yakin dengan Pemurahnya ALLAH.Dan inilah kebahagian yang abadi.Di akhirat nanti,doa-doa kita menanti kita!
Kita minta di beri kesenangan dan kemewahan,Allah berikan kita kesenangan dan keindahan syurga.
Kita minta di beri kesihatan,Allah berikan kita kesihatan yang tiada pernah kurangnya
Kita minta diberi teman hidup yang baik,ternyata Allah tangguhkan doa kita untuk memberi kita bidadari syurga yang sempurna~
Tenangnya hidup andai yakin pada ALLAH itu sentiasa ada.
Kerana apa?
Bilamana ini yang menjadi pegangan kita,maka,hidup kita tidak akan pernah susah melainkan semua itu datang dari ALLAH untuk mengajar sesuatu kepada kita dan memberi kita satu kelebihan yang tidak akan sama dengan mana-mana kesenangan dunia ini.
Kerana...ALLAH hanya memberi yang terbaik untuk hamba yang sentiasa yakin denganNYA!
time is killing me!
Salam sayang untuk semua
Well,well, the ENT will reach its end this coming April followed by the end course exam!And also,we need to start the Opthal course earlier.Means,we have to attend the lecture all together with Egyptians starting from tomorrow.Our official Malaysian Students lecture will only start after the ENT end course exam.But,being the main subject,the biggest subject for 4th years medical student in Kasr El Ein Medical School,we need to know this subject earlier.Fits the name very well! Our univ is the greatest at this eye thing,so we have to take the extra input on this subject!
What makes us more rushing is,only at this time,with no more free time left,and when we have to start covering up those 2 past subject (forensic and Community Med) that were no more in our memory, plus the present subject ENT -plus the extra Opthal lecture-, then only... the Univ comes up with this Communication Skill program that will be held for 5 weeks upcoming!Why during the 2 hours lecture of forensic /day they didn't finish this extra program?They do nothing wrong...just didn't manage this thing correctly.After finishing the Opthal round,there will be only 1 week before the BIG FINAL EXAM! And will i manage to cover up these 4 subjects in a week??
There're no more free leisure times left dear friends.We need to speed up now.Give a break to those movies , games,facebooking ,blogging, novels and all those rest time we enjoy!The popular fact of 4th year is the honeymoon years wasn't true at all!The more free time you have,the more you waste it! I need to make my strategical plan of study right now.I want to go through the final exam confidently!More important,i'll be back to Malaysia before the result.So i need to do it very well!
Sunday : Opthal extra lecture
Monday : ENT lec
Tuesday : ENT lec + Communication Skill
Wed : ENT lec
Thurs : ENT lec + Tajwid class
Friday : Qiraat n Hafazan Class
Saturday : Tajwid class
WRITTEN EXAM
12th june :community medicine
19th june : forensic and toxicology
23th june :opthalmology
27th june :ear nose and throat
ORAL EXAM
30th june :ENT
3rd july : Opthal
5th july : Forensic & Toxicology
7th july : Community Med
Allah,mudahkan urusan kami.Berikan kepada kami ketenangan dan hidupkan hati kami dalam iman. Berikan kami kefahaman para anbia' dan malaikatmu.Terangi hati kami sebagaimana ENGKAU terangi siangmu dengan mentari dan malammu dengan kerlipan bintang2.PadaMU kami bertawakkal.
"Allahhumma ahsin a'kibatana fi umurina kullaha wa ajirna minnal khizyiddunia wal a'zabalakhirah"
Well,well, the ENT will reach its end this coming April followed by the end course exam!And also,we need to start the Opthal course earlier.Means,we have to attend the lecture all together with Egyptians starting from tomorrow.Our official Malaysian Students lecture will only start after the ENT end course exam.But,being the main subject,the biggest subject for 4th years medical student in Kasr El Ein Medical School,we need to know this subject earlier.Fits the name very well! Our univ is the greatest at this eye thing,so we have to take the extra input on this subject!
What makes us more rushing is,only at this time,with no more free time left,and when we have to start covering up those 2 past subject (forensic and Community Med) that were no more in our memory, plus the present subject ENT -plus the extra Opthal lecture-, then only... the Univ comes up with this Communication Skill program that will be held for 5 weeks upcoming!Why during the 2 hours lecture of forensic /day they didn't finish this extra program?They do nothing wrong...just didn't manage this thing correctly.After finishing the Opthal round,there will be only 1 week before the BIG FINAL EXAM! And will i manage to cover up these 4 subjects in a week??
There're no more free leisure times left dear friends.We need to speed up now.Give a break to those movies , games,facebooking ,blogging, novels and all those rest time we enjoy!The popular fact of 4th year is the honeymoon years wasn't true at all!The more free time you have,the more you waste it! I need to make my strategical plan of study right now.I want to go through the final exam confidently!More important,i'll be back to Malaysia before the result.So i need to do it very well!
Sunday : Opthal extra lecture
Monday : ENT lec
Tuesday : ENT lec + Communication Skill
Wed : ENT lec
Thurs : ENT lec + Tajwid class
Friday : Qiraat n Hafazan Class
Saturday : Tajwid class
WRITTEN EXAM
12th june :community medicine
19th june : forensic and toxicology
23th june :opthalmology
27th june :ear nose and throat
ORAL EXAM
30th june :ENT
3rd july : Opthal
5th july : Forensic & Toxicology
7th july : Community Med
Allah,mudahkan urusan kami.Berikan kepada kami ketenangan dan hidupkan hati kami dalam iman. Berikan kami kefahaman para anbia' dan malaikatmu.Terangi hati kami sebagaimana ENGKAU terangi siangmu dengan mentari dan malammu dengan kerlipan bintang2.PadaMU kami bertawakkal.
"Allahhumma ahsin a'kibatana fi umurina kullaha wa ajirna minnal khizyiddunia wal a'zabalakhirah"
all done
Alhamdulillah...
Everything went well though there was little pain!
Thanks to Baizura (again),Mufid and my dearest for being there with me!
Well,as i told before,the earlier treatment didn't go well with me.The vesicle that should be formed,showed no sign.No other way,the doctor had to cut off the skin of mine,which wasn't the procedure he plan to!Cutting of the skin wasn't a nice experience to gain to... Very painful indeed but i did well.Just little shout and scream but i turned out to be the calmest person ever!Erm... actually,i started the procedure by kicking out the legs towards the doctor and didn't lie still.I moved nervously and told the doctor to keep the surgical knife away!Then with a serious face he told me "stop moving or else you may injure me and yourself".
The doctor advice me not to go to class again tomorrow.So i'll have a complete 5 days of holiday!I started missing to make usual noise in class! Hik3....everyone is waiting for my come back eh??
This area should not touch any drop of water for 4 days and i need to take antibiotic and some cream to rub on it!Cover it with sterilize gauze and have enough rest.
Alhamdulillah again and i hope this pain won't recur. Enough with one great experience! Go syida go..Be strong.This will be our memory of friendship.10 years to come,we'll laugh at this together!
Everything went well though there was little pain!
Thanks to Baizura (again),Mufid and my dearest for being there with me!
Well,as i told before,the earlier treatment didn't go well with me.The vesicle that should be formed,showed no sign.No other way,the doctor had to cut off the skin of mine,which wasn't the procedure he plan to!Cutting of the skin wasn't a nice experience to gain to... Very painful indeed but i did well.Just little shout and scream but i turned out to be the calmest person ever!Erm... actually,i started the procedure by kicking out the legs towards the doctor and didn't lie still.I moved nervously and told the doctor to keep the surgical knife away!Then with a serious face he told me "stop moving or else you may injure me and yourself".
The doctor advice me not to go to class again tomorrow.So i'll have a complete 5 days of holiday!I started missing to make usual noise in class! Hik3....everyone is waiting for my come back eh??
This area should not touch any drop of water for 4 days and i need to take antibiotic and some cream to rub on it!Cover it with sterilize gauze and have enough rest.
Alhamdulillah again and i hope this pain won't recur. Enough with one great experience! Go syida go..Be strong.This will be our memory of friendship.10 years to come,we'll laugh at this together!
thanks to ramisah aini for the cute white rose.i Love it very much!
Thanks to Mufidah for the choc and your concern and your time!
Zety,thanks to you tooo for the big choc!
HE- the one that i miss so much!
Salam sayang penuh kerinduan
Sedang berusaha menyiapkan nota throat dan menunggu saat tiba malam nanti!
Tiba-tiba rasa rindu pula dekat WAE ADEEE ( nama manja Wan Muhammad Adam Haziq), anak kecil yang menemani cuti 3 bulan saya di Malaysia.Yang menghilangkan kesunyian dan ketakutan berseorangan di rumah!
Duduk dengan budak kecil yang hanya tahu few words really need lots of patience! He cries when hungry,he cries also when he boo boo ,he cries if he didn't get the thing he wants and cry is the only way of communication! Kesabaran paling banyak diperlukan as sometime ada sesetengah orang really annoyed by baby's cry,right?
On biggest satisfaction when taking care of this little angle is getting him on bed! One great achievement if you succeed to get him on sleep as he'll cry his throat out whenever he felt sleepy!No,Haziq wasn't like the other baby that will sleep when you put him on comfortable place,give soft tap on his back ,sing the lullaby song while he's suckling the bottle's milk!No,no..not at all.He only sleeps when he is on my lap!The way of how i get him on sleep really make ayah angry.He told me that this boys will be more and more manja afterwards!Huhu..but,this is the only way,ayah!
Whenever he didn't feel the warm of mine,he'll wake up,open widely the eyes and here he goes again~ cry and cry...No other choice.Be at his side until he's no more aware of the surrounding! Only during his sleeping time,i got the chances to cook the lunch,washing the clothes,feeding the 20 cats,brooming the room,and had my own bath!
Whenever he didn't feel the warm of mine,he'll wake up,open widely the eyes and here he goes again~ cry and cry...No other choice.Be at his side until he's no more aware of the surrounding! Only during his sleeping time,i got the chances to cook the lunch,washing the clothes,feeding the 20 cats,brooming the room,and had my own bath!
No kidding!Haziq once crying outside the bathroom and calling "tatat! tatat! (cute pronunciation of kakak) and smashing the door even though my mum already with him! When i cooked,he'll be around the kitchen,has no interest to the TV.Playing around with lesung (fav thing of Haziq), opened up the cabinet,spinning the basin,bitting the onion and garlic and everything that you, yourself won't imagine it will happen!
He knows really well the word "air"..When i said "air" to him,immediately he ran to the green basket of his own,took out the green towel,put it on his shoulder and ran to the usual bathroom i used to bathe him! Hoho...that was the greatest success of him as my house has 6 bathrooms!First thing he did in the bathroom was- open his mouth under the running water and "gulp"..and followed by me,screamed angrily!He really knew how to get my nerve!But good thing abaout Haziq,he knew how to rub his fat belly on his own with the foamy soap which he likes the most! And other thing,when he made a boo boo,he'll go to me and make this sound to me "yek..tatat...yek..yek" .Then i knew i had to clean it up!
Finishing the bath is one thing,but yet another big thing is getting him ready with the cloth and diapers! Wasn't an easy thing to force an active baby to lie still! I need to distract his attention from blocking me doing my job by giving him something else to play with.Or i just need to talk to him and make him smile and forget about my hand that still put the diaper on!
He loves to play with the cats the most.He'll be the happiest when it's time to feed the cats! He'll be tailing me all the ways around! Our cats live in their own house that big enough for 5 people to get in! Whenever i feed them,i'll go inside and leave Haziq outside.I'll be the cat also and here comes the cry again! Huhu....ah...Haziq loves to play with the cat's nose and he call them "meow" -just like me!
Haziq has a very very curly hair that makes him looks like a girl! And i don't love that curly hair which opposite his mum's opinion that loves to keep the hair long! No..no...please botakkan~~
I miss him so much but i know he don't remember me~~~ :(..Whenever i call home,he'll be one of my WAJIB Qs.Did he knows how to speak,did he's getting bigger,did he is still obese,who take care of him and etc..Lucky of me,my little bro loves to tell me everything about him.Whenever adik asks him, "mane kakak" ,then he'll answers "tak Nik"!! Which is my other sis! He's totally forget about me! *sigh*
He'll be 2years in June and i hope he learns how to speak well and gets some weight loss.Oh, he's a giant baby!
Before -look at that curly long hair!
After-cuter when botak!
Haziq,tatat miss you soo much!
the pain
I'm now on a very intense killing pain that make me want to amputate this leg and throw it away!
After few days waiting,here come the minor operation! I don't want to write too long.Just simply on the procedure i'ved been through!
1) cut off the superficial dead skin
2) using nitrogen **** (don't know the exact name) spray 190 degree below zero onto the open skin
The second step was the worst.It feels like pinching,scratching,incising your own skin.Very painful enough to make me shouting!even i never been to snowy place,at last i know how's the frost bite is! But this is rather extreme than frost bite itself as i expose my skin 190 degree below the zero level!!!! But,the outstanding achievement of mine tonight is- i don't cry even a drop! But i think i nearly broke the fingers of Sal and Bai whose holding me tightly!
After this spray,the doctor said there will be a vesicle formation,no pain! You can even walk or run! Hahaha....no doctor.I won't believe you! This killing pain is enough already to tell me what -no pain- means to you.Or i just being "manja"?
I'm now surfing the internet right on my bed after taking 2 tablets of analgesic to kill this pain.But up till now,it gives NO effect! The intense pain is still here.It comes and goes.Like someone inserting your skin with needle and burn it right away after that.I don't know how can i describe this pain,but it's REALLY REALLY PAINFUL!
I just need to wait for the vesicle to form and go to the doctor next sunday to cut off the skin.Wah,this one is real operation neh! After removing the vesicle,i should cover it with sterilize gauze and do not let the water touch this area for 3 days! Can i survive the pain???
So,pray for me!
i think i need to do something to distract the pain away from my sense!
i am going to call cik ayah at home that surely don't have enough sleep just because worrying of me!
Hah, saya berdoa semoga dengan setiap kesakitan yang saya rasa ini,jadi kafarah dosa2 saya.Seronoknya sakit bila tahu bersabar.Moga dengan kesabaran ini mampu membuang jauh dosa2 nan menggunung itu! Yey!
Wallahualam
After few days waiting,here come the minor operation! I don't want to write too long.Just simply on the procedure i'ved been through!
1) cut off the superficial dead skin
2) using nitrogen **** (don't know the exact name) spray 190 degree below zero onto the open skin
The second step was the worst.It feels like pinching,scratching,incising your own skin.Very painful enough to make me shouting!even i never been to snowy place,at last i know how's the frost bite is! But this is rather extreme than frost bite itself as i expose my skin 190 degree below the zero level!!!! But,the outstanding achievement of mine tonight is- i don't cry even a drop! But i think i nearly broke the fingers of Sal and Bai whose holding me tightly!
After this spray,the doctor said there will be a vesicle formation,no pain! You can even walk or run! Hahaha....no doctor.I won't believe you! This killing pain is enough already to tell me what -no pain- means to you.Or i just being "manja"?
I'm now surfing the internet right on my bed after taking 2 tablets of analgesic to kill this pain.But up till now,it gives NO effect! The intense pain is still here.It comes and goes.Like someone inserting your skin with needle and burn it right away after that.I don't know how can i describe this pain,but it's REALLY REALLY PAINFUL!
I just need to wait for the vesicle to form and go to the doctor next sunday to cut off the skin.Wah,this one is real operation neh! After removing the vesicle,i should cover it with sterilize gauze and do not let the water touch this area for 3 days! Can i survive the pain???
So,pray for me!
i think i need to do something to distract the pain away from my sense!
i am going to call cik ayah at home that surely don't have enough sleep just because worrying of me!
Hah, saya berdoa semoga dengan setiap kesakitan yang saya rasa ini,jadi kafarah dosa2 saya.Seronoknya sakit bila tahu bersabar.Moga dengan kesabaran ini mampu membuang jauh dosa2 nan menggunung itu! Yey!
Wallahualam
Yes!
Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah..
Hari ini Allah bagi kekuatan untuk saya sekali lagi ke Operation Theatre (OT) selepas pengalaman bermakna minggu lepas.Kali ini saya buat persediaan lebih awal.Sebelum pergi,saya siap bersarapan untuk mengelakkan hypoglycemic due stress nanti.On the way to hospital,i bought my self chocolate.Just in case!
Sampai sana,we changed into our surgical suit.Yep,new rule-each student has to wear a complete set of surgical suit before entering the OT- Masuk kawasan OT saya ke room number 4 -usually used for major operation.Here,there was a child already on anaesthesia with wide open mouth.Lynne already there and she told us this was the tonsillectomy-removal of the tonsil-.Actually,at the time we reached there,the surgery was already near its end.Don't see much but enough to give me a little motivation to be a strong girl today!
Then,we enter the 3rd OT where there was a woman about 3o years old laid flat on the bed,still conscious.The anaesthetic was doing their job.Took a quite long period to anaesthetise this patient.Then,the nurse put on some iodine around the face and closed the eye after putting some gel on it.A doctor there told us that they will do the inferior turbinectomy -partial removal of the elevation part of the nasal cavity that hypertrophied due to allergic-
After the anaesthetic showed the effect,a doctor came in and started to widen the nose.First,he took a small scissor-like instrument(don't know what exactly the correct name) and started to cut the inside part.No,i couldn't see anything except the cutting sound! The doctor clung his teeth while doing the cutting!Then,a very big long meat like came out from the nose-very big that we won't believe that this long big hypertrophied turbinate had a space in this tiny little nose of us.That's why it caused the difficulty of breathing.It is contraindicated to pull out all part of turbinate as it will result in a very roomy nose that need to be compensated by again,hypertrophied turbinate.For your knowledge,turbinate is a structure that control the amount of air that enter the nose.So if the room is very big,so the air that enter will also increased.In order to work effectively,the turbinate will enlarged to make it less roomy.
I waited till the doctor woke the patient up.The patient was left with the anaesthetic while the ENT doctor that did the surgery was nowhere seen.The anaesthetic do some massage at the lower part of the face and told the patient " Khud annafs min buuk"-take the breath by your mouth-.The patient slowly regained her concsiousness and here came the fantastic moment-"Madam,ulli alhamdulillah..ulli alhamdulillah-say alhamdulillah-.He kept repeating this sentence up till the patient did mention the word "ALHAMDULILLAH".The doctor then smiled and with a relief face he just told that "the patient is now ok!"
Me,watching by side of the room,felt that,how big is the role of a doctor.Not just treat the physical illness but more important the batinniyah! Deep inside my heart-yes,i want to be a doctor just like this! Not many from doctor nowadays that indirectly put the da'wah element in their practise! I want to be ONE that did!
And last case that i attended was a myringoplasty operation.This operation is simply to replace the perforated drum by new one.The graft was taken from cartilage of the tragus-small elevation before entering the ear on face site-.After opened up the tragus,the doctor cut out a little piece of cartilage and put it down onto the perforated drum to close up the hole.This graft will act as a bridge for the epithelium growth of the new drum!
There was no major operation today but alhamdulillah,i did'nt faint this time! Yey! Inoue is getting stronger and insyaALLAH will be lot more stronger afterwards! Cik,time kasih give me the advice- Selawat byk2 before entering the OT and ask allah for the strength.Alhamdulillah,it worked today!
Hari ini Allah bagi kekuatan untuk saya sekali lagi ke Operation Theatre (OT) selepas pengalaman bermakna minggu lepas.Kali ini saya buat persediaan lebih awal.Sebelum pergi,saya siap bersarapan untuk mengelakkan hypoglycemic due stress nanti.On the way to hospital,i bought my self chocolate.Just in case!
Sampai sana,we changed into our surgical suit.Yep,new rule-each student has to wear a complete set of surgical suit before entering the OT- Masuk kawasan OT saya ke room number 4 -usually used for major operation.Here,there was a child already on anaesthesia with wide open mouth.Lynne already there and she told us this was the tonsillectomy-removal of the tonsil-.Actually,at the time we reached there,the surgery was already near its end.Don't see much but enough to give me a little motivation to be a strong girl today!
Then,we enter the 3rd OT where there was a woman about 3o years old laid flat on the bed,still conscious.The anaesthetic was doing their job.Took a quite long period to anaesthetise this patient.Then,the nurse put on some iodine around the face and closed the eye after putting some gel on it.A doctor there told us that they will do the inferior turbinectomy -partial removal of the elevation part of the nasal cavity that hypertrophied due to allergic-
After the anaesthetic showed the effect,a doctor came in and started to widen the nose.First,he took a small scissor-like instrument(don't know what exactly the correct name) and started to cut the inside part.No,i couldn't see anything except the cutting sound! The doctor clung his teeth while doing the cutting!Then,a very big long meat like came out from the nose-very big that we won't believe that this long big hypertrophied turbinate had a space in this tiny little nose of us.That's why it caused the difficulty of breathing.It is contraindicated to pull out all part of turbinate as it will result in a very roomy nose that need to be compensated by again,hypertrophied turbinate.For your knowledge,turbinate is a structure that control the amount of air that enter the nose.So if the room is very big,so the air that enter will also increased.In order to work effectively,the turbinate will enlarged to make it less roomy.
I waited till the doctor woke the patient up.The patient was left with the anaesthetic while the ENT doctor that did the surgery was nowhere seen.The anaesthetic do some massage at the lower part of the face and told the patient " Khud annafs min buuk"-take the breath by your mouth-.The patient slowly regained her concsiousness and here came the fantastic moment-"Madam,ulli alhamdulillah..ulli alhamdulillah-say alhamdulillah-.He kept repeating this sentence up till the patient did mention the word "ALHAMDULILLAH".The doctor then smiled and with a relief face he just told that "the patient is now ok!"
Me,watching by side of the room,felt that,how big is the role of a doctor.Not just treat the physical illness but more important the batinniyah! Deep inside my heart-yes,i want to be a doctor just like this! Not many from doctor nowadays that indirectly put the da'wah element in their practise! I want to be ONE that did!
And last case that i attended was a myringoplasty operation.This operation is simply to replace the perforated drum by new one.The graft was taken from cartilage of the tragus-small elevation before entering the ear on face site-.After opened up the tragus,the doctor cut out a little piece of cartilage and put it down onto the perforated drum to close up the hole.This graft will act as a bridge for the epithelium growth of the new drum!
There was no major operation today but alhamdulillah,i did'nt faint this time! Yey! Inoue is getting stronger and insyaALLAH will be lot more stronger afterwards! Cik,time kasih give me the advice- Selawat byk2 before entering the OT and ask allah for the strength.Alhamdulillah,it worked today!
semua milik DIA
Malam tadi saya tidur agak lambat dek kerana my ear's notes aren't completed yet.It was about 2 am when i finally laid back on my hard bed trying to sleep.Masa dalam tengah proses menyiapkan note,laptop tak pula tutup.Di buka all night long up till 2 am.Tetapi email2 yang masuk , i just ignored them all and focussed on this one important target i needed to reach.Because of my ignorance,i neglected one extremely important email about our deary Ami.
Not untill i woke up the next morning,then i knew something that tore my heart badly.Ami just loss her dad 2am,this morning,the same time i went to my bed.And what make it looked more bad,i didn't even read the 1st email from Ami telling everyone that her dad was on the way to the hospital and she asked for her friends to pray for the best.
After finishing my bath and Dhuha pray,i left home early to Ami's house straight away.Suprisingly,she didn't even cried a drop.Calmly she told us about the details and smiled all way through!Deep inside me,i'm myself not even know,how am i going to react for this kind of situation.
Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiuun
From ALLAH we come and for sure to HIM we'll be returned to!
Moga beliau berbahagia menjadi kekasih Allah di sana dan bergembira kerana telah kembali kepada rahmat kasih sayang ALLAH.
And for Ami,ALLAH gives you this kind of hardness just simply because HE LOVE YOU!Be a solehah daughter that never forget to pray for the one that gives life to you!May Allah give the strength to you and insyaALLAH,we'll be always here!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bila telefon soalan pertama ayah "Inoue sihat? Tak sakit perut doh?" Then followed by another routine Q " Study boleh ke?Mane senang dengan yang dulu?" .Ayah kurang bercerita dengan anak-anak.Selalu kalau telefon ayah hanya akan cakap paling lama 5 min.Bila ayah nak stop cakap,ayah MESTI akan tanya "Inoue ade nak oyat gapo2 lagi x? Kalu ado,oyat la,ayah dengar"...and me,i will end the conversation just by telling him "NO"~..SO each time,the call just ended up by those word :NO!
Cik,sangat berbeza dengan ayah.Cik suka bercakap.Mengadu dia penat kena lipat kain banyak,basuh baju,jemur baju.Nak sapu rumah yang bersepah.Selalu saya telefon cik waktu cik nak siap-siap ke sekolah.Mesti tak dapat nak cakap lama.Sebab selalu waktu tu,cik agak kalut.Nak pakai baju,nak kejut adik solat,nak jemur baju.Cik dia selalu mengaji Quran sebelum turun ke sekolah.Lepas mengaji,cik akan turun jemur kain dan hantar adik ke sekolah.Bila balik sekolah,cik kena masak sebab anak2 perempuan dia semua jauh dari cik.Kesian cik,penat berkerja tak hilang tapi dah kena mula kerja di dapur.Selalu kalau ada along,atau ateen atau saya,cik memang takkan masuk dapur.Cuma akan jadi komander yang memberi arahan.Bila cuti 3 bulan ,mesti saya yang akan masak sepanjang 3 bulan tu,hingga kadang2 saya rasa sangat bosan!Pernah suatu hari,lewat tengah hari,saya telefon cik di sekolah dan cakap,saya tak nak dah masak .Tak tahu nak masak apa! Pening fikir! Cik membalas " Hah,tu baru 3 bulan,cuba bayangkan cik ni dah puluh2 tahun tak penah mengadu bosan pun!" .Terkedu saya.Bukan senangkan nak jadi seorang ibu,seorang isteri,dan seorang menantu,seorang yang berkerjaya!Semua susah dan memerlukan pengorbanan yang besar.
Saya paling suka mesej cik sebab bila reply,cik mesti bagi ayat2 sastera bak sang kekasih bermain kata dengan kekasihnya.Ayat2 cik sungguh jiwang hingga kadang2 saya rasa terharu.Bila minta cik doakan apa2 yang saya nak buat,cik mesti cakap :
"Doa cik kepada anak2 sepanjang hayat,Anak2 anugerah terindah untuk cik.Doakan yang terbaik untuk keluarga kita"
Sungguh,kematian itu sebagai satu peringatan.Saya belum bersedia untuk kehilangan mereka.Saya masih tak mampu untuk menghadapi saat dimana bila saya rindu mereka,saya dah tak boleh mendengar suara mereka.Bila saya sedih,mereka tiada untuk mendoakan saya.Bila saya tak dapat jawab exam,mereka tak ada untuk menenangkan saya dan bila mana saya dambakan doa dari mereka,mereka tiada untuk doakan saya!Saya masih tak mampu!
Saya tahu ,mereka anugerah ALLAH untuk saya.Melihat mereka sahaja sudah mendapat pahala.Saya tahu,apa sahaja milik ALLAH dan setiap semuanya akan kembali kepada ALLAH...Tapi hingga sekarang saya tak sanggup lepaskan mereka lagi!
Moga ALLAH memberi yang terbaik untuk ayah dan cik saya.Saya telah banyak mennyinggung hati keduanya terutama ayah.Luka yang saya hiriskan pada mereka,hanya ALLAH yang mampu ampuni saya.Saya tahumereka memaafkan setiap kesalahan saya sebab kasih mereka tak pernah bersyarat.....Kalau saya buat silap,mereka maafkan.Saya sakiti mereka,mereka tetap melayan saya sebagai anak manja.Kadang2 saya pentingkan diri,tetapi mereka setiap saat memikirkan kebahagiaan anak2.Sungguh,cinta mereka tanpa SATU SYARAT sekalipun! Biar hodoh,biar buruk,biar jahat,Inilah anak yang mereka sayangi dan cintai.Moga saat saya punya keluarga sendiri kelak,dia yang bakal menjadi suami saya mampu menandingi cinta tanpa syarat ini dan saya sendiri mampu menjadi ibu terbaik untuk anak2 saya kelak.Dan suami saya kelak memberi saya peluang untuk berbakti kepada cik dan ayah yang telah membesarkan saya sebelum saya bersatu dengannya.
"Moga saat mereka pergi menghadap ALLAH adalah saat di mana saya paling redha"
Moga Allah beri saya kesempatan untuk berbakti pada cik dan ayah
Berikan kesihatan kepada mereka
Hidupkan mereka dalam keamanan dan ketenangan Islammu ya ALLAH
Jauhi mereka dari malapetaka dan bencana
Lindungi mereka dari fitnah syaitan,dajjal dan fitnah manusia
Permudahkan segala urusan mereka
Luaskan rezeki mereka
Satukan mereka dalam kasih sayangMu
dan kurniakan mereka anak yang soleh yang mampu untuk mendoakan mereka kelak
dan ALLAH,jadikan mereka ahli jannah tertinggiMU!
Ameen
Wallahua'lam
p/s : i call my mum-cik~ sort of family's way of calling the mother.
1 May2010
"after tahlil untuk ayahanda Ami Farhani yang pergi meninggalkan dunia penuh dugaan"
Not untill i woke up the next morning,then i knew something that tore my heart badly.Ami just loss her dad 2am,this morning,the same time i went to my bed.And what make it looked more bad,i didn't even read the 1st email from Ami telling everyone that her dad was on the way to the hospital and she asked for her friends to pray for the best.
After finishing my bath and Dhuha pray,i left home early to Ami's house straight away.Suprisingly,she didn't even cried a drop.Calmly she told us about the details and smiled all way through!Deep inside me,i'm myself not even know,how am i going to react for this kind of situation.
Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiuun
From ALLAH we come and for sure to HIM we'll be returned to!
Moga beliau berbahagia menjadi kekasih Allah di sana dan bergembira kerana telah kembali kepada rahmat kasih sayang ALLAH.
And for Ami,ALLAH gives you this kind of hardness just simply because HE LOVE YOU!Be a solehah daughter that never forget to pray for the one that gives life to you!May Allah give the strength to you and insyaALLAH,we'll be always here!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bila telefon soalan pertama ayah "Inoue sihat? Tak sakit perut doh?" Then followed by another routine Q " Study boleh ke?Mane senang dengan yang dulu?" .Ayah kurang bercerita dengan anak-anak.Selalu kalau telefon ayah hanya akan cakap paling lama 5 min.Bila ayah nak stop cakap,ayah MESTI akan tanya "Inoue ade nak oyat gapo2 lagi x? Kalu ado,oyat la,ayah dengar"...and me,i will end the conversation just by telling him "NO"~..SO each time,the call just ended up by those word :NO!
Cik,sangat berbeza dengan ayah.Cik suka bercakap.Mengadu dia penat kena lipat kain banyak,basuh baju,jemur baju.Nak sapu rumah yang bersepah.Selalu saya telefon cik waktu cik nak siap-siap ke sekolah.Mesti tak dapat nak cakap lama.Sebab selalu waktu tu,cik agak kalut.Nak pakai baju,nak kejut adik solat,nak jemur baju.Cik dia selalu mengaji Quran sebelum turun ke sekolah.Lepas mengaji,cik akan turun jemur kain dan hantar adik ke sekolah.Bila balik sekolah,cik kena masak sebab anak2 perempuan dia semua jauh dari cik.Kesian cik,penat berkerja tak hilang tapi dah kena mula kerja di dapur.Selalu kalau ada along,atau ateen atau saya,cik memang takkan masuk dapur.Cuma akan jadi komander yang memberi arahan.Bila cuti 3 bulan ,mesti saya yang akan masak sepanjang 3 bulan tu,hingga kadang2 saya rasa sangat bosan!Pernah suatu hari,lewat tengah hari,saya telefon cik di sekolah dan cakap,saya tak nak dah masak .Tak tahu nak masak apa! Pening fikir! Cik membalas " Hah,tu baru 3 bulan,cuba bayangkan cik ni dah puluh2 tahun tak penah mengadu bosan pun!" .Terkedu saya.Bukan senangkan nak jadi seorang ibu,seorang isteri,dan seorang menantu,seorang yang berkerjaya!Semua susah dan memerlukan pengorbanan yang besar.
Saya paling suka mesej cik sebab bila reply,cik mesti bagi ayat2 sastera bak sang kekasih bermain kata dengan kekasihnya.Ayat2 cik sungguh jiwang hingga kadang2 saya rasa terharu.Bila minta cik doakan apa2 yang saya nak buat,cik mesti cakap :
"Doa cik kepada anak2 sepanjang hayat,Anak2 anugerah terindah untuk cik.Doakan yang terbaik untuk keluarga kita"
Sungguh,kematian itu sebagai satu peringatan.Saya belum bersedia untuk kehilangan mereka.Saya masih tak mampu untuk menghadapi saat dimana bila saya rindu mereka,saya dah tak boleh mendengar suara mereka.Bila saya sedih,mereka tiada untuk mendoakan saya.Bila saya tak dapat jawab exam,mereka tak ada untuk menenangkan saya dan bila mana saya dambakan doa dari mereka,mereka tiada untuk doakan saya!Saya masih tak mampu!
Saya tahu ,mereka anugerah ALLAH untuk saya.Melihat mereka sahaja sudah mendapat pahala.Saya tahu,apa sahaja milik ALLAH dan setiap semuanya akan kembali kepada ALLAH...Tapi hingga sekarang saya tak sanggup lepaskan mereka lagi!
Moga ALLAH memberi yang terbaik untuk ayah dan cik saya.Saya telah banyak mennyinggung hati keduanya terutama ayah.Luka yang saya hiriskan pada mereka,hanya ALLAH yang mampu ampuni saya.Saya tahumereka memaafkan setiap kesalahan saya sebab kasih mereka tak pernah bersyarat.....Kalau saya buat silap,mereka maafkan.Saya sakiti mereka,mereka tetap melayan saya sebagai anak manja.Kadang2 saya pentingkan diri,tetapi mereka setiap saat memikirkan kebahagiaan anak2.Sungguh,cinta mereka tanpa SATU SYARAT sekalipun! Biar hodoh,biar buruk,biar jahat,Inilah anak yang mereka sayangi dan cintai.Moga saat saya punya keluarga sendiri kelak,dia yang bakal menjadi suami saya mampu menandingi cinta tanpa syarat ini dan saya sendiri mampu menjadi ibu terbaik untuk anak2 saya kelak.Dan suami saya kelak memberi saya peluang untuk berbakti kepada cik dan ayah yang telah membesarkan saya sebelum saya bersatu dengannya.
"Moga saat mereka pergi menghadap ALLAH adalah saat di mana saya paling redha"
Moga Allah beri saya kesempatan untuk berbakti pada cik dan ayah
Berikan kesihatan kepada mereka
Hidupkan mereka dalam keamanan dan ketenangan Islammu ya ALLAH
Jauhi mereka dari malapetaka dan bencana
Lindungi mereka dari fitnah syaitan,dajjal dan fitnah manusia
Permudahkan segala urusan mereka
Luaskan rezeki mereka
Satukan mereka dalam kasih sayangMu
dan kurniakan mereka anak yang soleh yang mampu untuk mendoakan mereka kelak
dan ALLAH,jadikan mereka ahli jannah tertinggiMU!
Ameen
Wallahua'lam
p/s : i call my mum-cik~ sort of family's way of calling the mother.
1 May2010
"after tahlil untuk ayahanda Ami Farhani yang pergi meninggalkan dunia penuh dugaan"
the first the worst
9.00am eagerly rushing to OT (Operation Theatre) to have my premier clinical experience! Before entering the gate,i prayed to ALLAH -give me a chance to enter the OT-as before this ,some of my friends didn't get the permission to join the surgery.
Alhamdullilah,we arrived a little bit early before the surgery.There'll be 4 operations today.And lucky of me,i got the chance to see a major operation of UNSAFE CHRONIC SUPPURATIVE OTITIS MEDIA complicated with BRAIN ABSCESS.After wearing the green surgical suit(though i'ved already got one maroon suit-but then, no one wear this color!), i waited outside the OT with my others friends and Egyptian's students.They claimed today was their day and they got the special invitation from their doctor.Actually, we were fighting for this one major operation while there were still other 3 operation of myringotomy and some simple cases!.Being a malaysian,i guess we have the privilege!Only 4 of us together with other MOs got the tickets to enter the OT!The Egyptian students were chased away to other OT.ngeh3...
The patient already anaesthetised and covered up all over the body.With extremely extraordinary spirit, i followed the senior doctor for observing the CT scan and MRI.The dr showed us the abscess in the brain.But this operation will do nothing to the abscess.Leave it for the neurosurgeon.All they got to do was repaired the ear! Of course -as this is the ENT department.
According to him,the patient will undergoes an operation called RADICAL MASTOIDECTOMY which will remove part of our skull behind the ear.So,the doc started to draw the mark for the incision.At first,i thought he'll be using some sort of special pencil or the same kind of thing.But NO,i wronged!He used the sharp tip of the syringe and drew the line.Little blood came out of this small incision.I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.This was only the beginning.Be strong!
Then,he started to inject saline adrenaline around the marks to make a clear picture before he cut opened the patient's scalp!.3 big syringe of saline was injected.I felt nauseated.My stomach started to give me strange feeling.Then,the process went on.The doctor started to cut the scalp exposing the underlying layer of skin.
Grrrrr...grrrr...the drilling was started.The burnt of the drilled skull overwhelmed the room full of doctors! Allah,my head was spinning around and my leg got paralysed!I hold tight to Syida's shoulder and she hold me back.I whispered to her "syida,saya nak pengsan".Then everything turned dark!
I heard syida n siti were calling for my name and slapped my cheek.I opened my eyes and realised i was on the floor.My face turned white as the dead person.Nurse there saw me and asked them " huh...pengsan...?" as this was the common thing here in OT.She asked me to have rest in the room.But i tried to be strong and after 10 mins resting,i went back to the OT.The patient's inner ear was fully exposed and the doc was now removing the granulation tissue.At the beginning doctor diagnosed this patient had cholesteatoma but in the middle of the operation,they found this granulation tissue that ruled out other problems eg tumor!.
I went back trying to be strong.But again,maybe i forgot my selawat before entering the room,i collapsed again..Then,i back out there waiting for my strength to build up.After felt strong enough,i went back there and i guessed it work.I did'nt collapse but it was tiring to just stand there for hours.I took the MO's seat though i saw him giving me those look.haha...i did'nt care anymore as long as i could be in here.
Hour and half,still the doctor couldn't figure out what was the main problem.Duhr's azan could be heard from outside.and the clock showed it was already 12noon.I thought,this is it.I couldn't wait any longer as my leg had no strength to stand for other 2 hours or more.
Out from OT and went to buy the choc milk and bread to replace my depleted glucose back there in OT.My nausea and headache ran away after walking out from OT!Actually,the operation was erm,i myself not sure whether it reach half of the way or not,but for sure,i left the OT before it is completed.And i didn't even know the exact diagnosis of this patient!
Actually,this really make me sad.Yes,i never experience this scary situation right in front of this 2 eyes.Even last year when my friend invited me to join her doing the attachment at hospital,i refused.Because of what? I am not brave enough to face all these doctor's stuff.Even up till now,i still need at least 5 person to hold me tight whenever i have to be injected!
How can i overcome this fear? I really want to practice medicine in 3 years to come.I am now the 4th year medicine student but still i can't even hold myself! Allah,i know YOU are the ONE that can help me go through this and from you i ask the strength! Give me the courage to face all this and insyaALLAH,next time i'll try again.Even mum told me to get use if this and prepare myself for the carrier ahead!
I'll try again and again.I hope i get habituated with this blood and smell and who know this chicken doc-to-be will be the greatest doc in the future! Ameen!
Wallahua'lam
Alhamdullilah,we arrived a little bit early before the surgery.There'll be 4 operations today.And lucky of me,i got the chance to see a major operation of UNSAFE CHRONIC SUPPURATIVE OTITIS MEDIA complicated with BRAIN ABSCESS.After wearing the green surgical suit(though i'ved already got one maroon suit-but then, no one wear this color!), i waited outside the OT with my others friends and Egyptian's students.They claimed today was their day and they got the special invitation from their doctor.Actually, we were fighting for this one major operation while there were still other 3 operation of myringotomy and some simple cases!.Being a malaysian,i guess we have the privilege!Only 4 of us together with other MOs got the tickets to enter the OT!The Egyptian students were chased away to other OT.ngeh3...
The patient already anaesthetised and covered up all over the body.With extremely extraordinary spirit, i followed the senior doctor for observing the CT scan and MRI.The dr showed us the abscess in the brain.But this operation will do nothing to the abscess.Leave it for the neurosurgeon.All they got to do was repaired the ear! Of course -as this is the ENT department.
According to him,the patient will undergoes an operation called RADICAL MASTOIDECTOMY which will remove part of our skull behind the ear.So,the doc started to draw the mark for the incision.At first,i thought he'll be using some sort of special pencil or the same kind of thing.But NO,i wronged!He used the sharp tip of the syringe and drew the line.Little blood came out of this small incision.I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.This was only the beginning.Be strong!
Then,he started to inject saline adrenaline around the marks to make a clear picture before he cut opened the patient's scalp!.3 big syringe of saline was injected.I felt nauseated.My stomach started to give me strange feeling.Then,the process went on.The doctor started to cut the scalp exposing the underlying layer of skin.
Grrrrr...grrrr...the drilling was started.The burnt of the drilled skull overwhelmed the room full of doctors! Allah,my head was spinning around and my leg got paralysed!I hold tight to Syida's shoulder and she hold me back.I whispered to her "syida,saya nak pengsan".Then everything turned dark!
I heard syida n siti were calling for my name and slapped my cheek.I opened my eyes and realised i was on the floor.My face turned white as the dead person.Nurse there saw me and asked them " huh...pengsan...?" as this was the common thing here in OT.She asked me to have rest in the room.But i tried to be strong and after 10 mins resting,i went back to the OT.The patient's inner ear was fully exposed and the doc was now removing the granulation tissue.At the beginning doctor diagnosed this patient had cholesteatoma but in the middle of the operation,they found this granulation tissue that ruled out other problems eg tumor!.
I went back trying to be strong.But again,maybe i forgot my selawat before entering the room,i collapsed again..Then,i back out there waiting for my strength to build up.After felt strong enough,i went back there and i guessed it work.I did'nt collapse but it was tiring to just stand there for hours.I took the MO's seat though i saw him giving me those look.haha...i did'nt care anymore as long as i could be in here.
Hour and half,still the doctor couldn't figure out what was the main problem.Duhr's azan could be heard from outside.and the clock showed it was already 12noon.I thought,this is it.I couldn't wait any longer as my leg had no strength to stand for other 2 hours or more.
Out from OT and went to buy the choc milk and bread to replace my depleted glucose back there in OT.My nausea and headache ran away after walking out from OT!Actually,the operation was erm,i myself not sure whether it reach half of the way or not,but for sure,i left the OT before it is completed.And i didn't even know the exact diagnosis of this patient!
Actually,this really make me sad.Yes,i never experience this scary situation right in front of this 2 eyes.Even last year when my friend invited me to join her doing the attachment at hospital,i refused.Because of what? I am not brave enough to face all these doctor's stuff.Even up till now,i still need at least 5 person to hold me tight whenever i have to be injected!
How can i overcome this fear? I really want to practice medicine in 3 years to come.I am now the 4th year medicine student but still i can't even hold myself! Allah,i know YOU are the ONE that can help me go through this and from you i ask the strength! Give me the courage to face all this and insyaALLAH,next time i'll try again.Even mum told me to get use if this and prepare myself for the carrier ahead!
I'll try again and again.I hope i get habituated with this blood and smell and who know this chicken doc-to-be will be the greatest doc in the future! Ameen!
Wallahua'lam
KAU YANG KU RINDUI
Menyelusuri sejarah hidupmu kau dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang mulia di kalangan kaummu.Bani Hashim,kedudukan kerabatmu terlalu tinggi hingga mereka tak mampu mencari cacat cela keturunanmu.Mereka gagal mencari kelemahan padamu.
Yatimmu ketika dirimu masih terlalu kecil.Kehilangan kedua ibubapamu menjadikan kau insan yang tabah dan kuat.Matangnya dirimu bila mana kau diajar hidup di gurun sana bersama ternakan kambingmu.Di usia mudamu,kau tertarik pada keraian Mekah.Kau mendengar lagu dimainkan.Dirimu punya rasa tetapi ALLAH melindungimu dari maksiat dan noda lantas ditidurkanmu.Maka,terpeliharalah dirimu dari sekecil-kecil dosa itu.
Kecerdikan akalmu terbukti bila mana kau menjadi hakim pada pergaduhan antara tribe yang berebut mahu meletakkan hajarul aswad bila mana kaabah dilanda banjir.Ilmu kebijaksanaan mu menghalang pertumpahan darah dari berlaku.
Kejujuranmu menawan hati semua yang memandangmu termasuk ummul mukminin Khadijah yang meminangmu di saat dikau masih lagi di awal usiamu.Darinya,lahir zuriatmu yang mulia yang kau cintai dan sayangi.Genap umurmu 40thun di saat kau benci melihat kemaksiatan kaummu,kau berlalu seorang diri.Mengadu pada ALLAH,meminta pada tuhan yang mencipta alam ini.
Jibril datang,menyeru kepada mu seruan dari Ilahi.Dirimu gentar,gemuruh,ketakutan.Kau berlari pulang mengadu pada isteri tercinta lantas diminta diselimuti badanmu yang ketakutan.Namun saat itu,kau telah dipilih ALLAH menjadi rasul yang bakal memimpin umat dunia ini hingga ke akhirat kelak.
Perjuangan risalahmu bermula.Kau dikeji,kau dicaci,kau cuba dibunuh.Tapi kau tegar.Hingga mereka hampir putus asa.Namun,kerana hasutan syaitan bermain2 di jiwa mereka,mereka menawarkan kau harta wanita pelbagai.Namun semua itu tiada nilainya berbanding risalah ALLAH yang mulia ini.
Kau dan kaum muslim dipulaukan.Jual beli dengan mu dihalang,nikah kahwin juga tidak diberikan.Dek tekanan yang menyeksa ini,kau arahkan 12 lelaki dan 4 perempuan yang beriman itu mencari ketenangan di Habsyah.
Ujian mendatang.Bapa saudara dan isteri mu pergi di saat kau masih hangat dalam perjuangan.Kesedihan mu tidak melemahkan langsung tugas mu menyampaikan risalah ALLAH.
Datang kaum Ansar menjemput dirimu ke Madinah menjadi pemimpin mereka dan menyelesaikan masalah dikalangan mereka di samping mengajarkan ajaran Islam yang suci ini.Bermula saat hijrahmu bersama sahabat mu yang agung.Abu Bakr.Kesetiaan sebenar seorang sahabat demi ALLAH yang tiada tolok banding.Sanggup dipatuk ular hingga menitis airmata ke pipi mu yang lena di ribanya.Mereka cuba mencari dan mengejarmu tapi ternyata perlindungan ALLAH tiada tolok bandingnya.
Kau tiba di Madinah.Kau disambut penuh kegembiraan.Saat pertama kau tiba,terus kau bina masjid lalu kau solat.Islam di bawah pimpinan kau penuh gemilang hingga suatu hari kau bermimpi kau mengerjakan haji di negeri kelahiranmu,Mekah.Kau rindukan Mekah barangkali.
Berangkat kau ke Mekah bersama Muhajirin penuh kegembiraan mahu kembali ke tanah tumpah darah mereka.Setiba kau di Mekah,terus kau dirikan solat dan kau buang segala sembahan kafir itu.Lantas kau arahkan bilal azan menyeru umat Islam mengesakan ALLAH.
Perjuangan penuh liku namun ternyata setiap yang terjadi menjadi kekuatan pada dirimu.Keyakinan kau pada penciptamu menjadi motivasi terbesar dalam perkembangan Islam ini.Kau tegar walau diseksa mahupun dihina.Kerana kekuatan kau itu,kami nikmati Islam hingga kini.Kami mampu bernafas dalam ruh islam dan iman yang kau dan sahabiahmu utuh memperjuangkannya.
Di khutbah terakhirmu,saat kau memberitahu pada umatmu yang risalah ini telah lengkap,umatmu bergembira.Namun terbukti di sebalik semua itu,ALLAH mahu mengambilmu untuk memuliakanmu disisinya.Sahabat bagai tidak percaya dengan kewafatanmu hinggakan Umar menghunus pedangnya pada mereka yang mengatakan kau telah pergi.Umatmu bersedih namun Abu Bakr lantas berdiri dan berkata:
"oh people,whoever worship Muhammad,Muhammad is dead but whoever whorship ALLAH,ALLAH is alive and will never die"
Umatmu tersedar dan Umar rebah..Kekasih kepada semua umat yang bernyawa pada hari itu telah pergi..Pergi bertemu kekasihnya yang AGUNG!
Oh Muhammad ,rasulullah...
Sungguh kami merindui pertemuan denganmu...
Moga kami mendapat syafaatmu kelak.
Akan kami pelihara risalah ALLAH yang kau bawa
dan akan kami perjuangkan demi kasih kami pada ALLAH dan kau Rasulullah.
Kaulah pemimpin yang terbaik
Kaulah ayah yang paling penyayang
Kaulah suami yang paling berbudi pada isterimu
Kaulah panglima perang yang paling bijaksana
Kaulah selembut-lembut sahabat
Kaulah guru yang paling a'lim
Kaulah yang kami cintai dan sayangi
Kaulah Rasulullah s.a.w
Wallahua'lam.
Salam maulidur rasul
(ditulis secara ringkas,kesilapan fakta minta diberitahu segera)
Yatimmu ketika dirimu masih terlalu kecil.Kehilangan kedua ibubapamu menjadikan kau insan yang tabah dan kuat.Matangnya dirimu bila mana kau diajar hidup di gurun sana bersama ternakan kambingmu.Di usia mudamu,kau tertarik pada keraian Mekah.Kau mendengar lagu dimainkan.Dirimu punya rasa tetapi ALLAH melindungimu dari maksiat dan noda lantas ditidurkanmu.Maka,terpeliharalah dirimu dari sekecil-kecil dosa itu.
Kecerdikan akalmu terbukti bila mana kau menjadi hakim pada pergaduhan antara tribe yang berebut mahu meletakkan hajarul aswad bila mana kaabah dilanda banjir.Ilmu kebijaksanaan mu menghalang pertumpahan darah dari berlaku.
Kejujuranmu menawan hati semua yang memandangmu termasuk ummul mukminin Khadijah yang meminangmu di saat dikau masih lagi di awal usiamu.Darinya,lahir zuriatmu yang mulia yang kau cintai dan sayangi.Genap umurmu 40thun di saat kau benci melihat kemaksiatan kaummu,kau berlalu seorang diri.Mengadu pada ALLAH,meminta pada tuhan yang mencipta alam ini.
Jibril datang,menyeru kepada mu seruan dari Ilahi.Dirimu gentar,gemuruh,ketakutan.Kau berlari pulang mengadu pada isteri tercinta lantas diminta diselimuti badanmu yang ketakutan.Namun saat itu,kau telah dipilih ALLAH menjadi rasul yang bakal memimpin umat dunia ini hingga ke akhirat kelak.
Perjuangan risalahmu bermula.Kau dikeji,kau dicaci,kau cuba dibunuh.Tapi kau tegar.Hingga mereka hampir putus asa.Namun,kerana hasutan syaitan bermain2 di jiwa mereka,mereka menawarkan kau harta wanita pelbagai.Namun semua itu tiada nilainya berbanding risalah ALLAH yang mulia ini.
Kau dan kaum muslim dipulaukan.Jual beli dengan mu dihalang,nikah kahwin juga tidak diberikan.Dek tekanan yang menyeksa ini,kau arahkan 12 lelaki dan 4 perempuan yang beriman itu mencari ketenangan di Habsyah.
Ujian mendatang.Bapa saudara dan isteri mu pergi di saat kau masih hangat dalam perjuangan.Kesedihan mu tidak melemahkan langsung tugas mu menyampaikan risalah ALLAH.
Datang kaum Ansar menjemput dirimu ke Madinah menjadi pemimpin mereka dan menyelesaikan masalah dikalangan mereka di samping mengajarkan ajaran Islam yang suci ini.Bermula saat hijrahmu bersama sahabat mu yang agung.Abu Bakr.Kesetiaan sebenar seorang sahabat demi ALLAH yang tiada tolok banding.Sanggup dipatuk ular hingga menitis airmata ke pipi mu yang lena di ribanya.Mereka cuba mencari dan mengejarmu tapi ternyata perlindungan ALLAH tiada tolok bandingnya.
Kau tiba di Madinah.Kau disambut penuh kegembiraan.Saat pertama kau tiba,terus kau bina masjid lalu kau solat.Islam di bawah pimpinan kau penuh gemilang hingga suatu hari kau bermimpi kau mengerjakan haji di negeri kelahiranmu,Mekah.Kau rindukan Mekah barangkali.
Berangkat kau ke Mekah bersama Muhajirin penuh kegembiraan mahu kembali ke tanah tumpah darah mereka.Setiba kau di Mekah,terus kau dirikan solat dan kau buang segala sembahan kafir itu.Lantas kau arahkan bilal azan menyeru umat Islam mengesakan ALLAH.
Perjuangan penuh liku namun ternyata setiap yang terjadi menjadi kekuatan pada dirimu.Keyakinan kau pada penciptamu menjadi motivasi terbesar dalam perkembangan Islam ini.Kau tegar walau diseksa mahupun dihina.Kerana kekuatan kau itu,kami nikmati Islam hingga kini.Kami mampu bernafas dalam ruh islam dan iman yang kau dan sahabiahmu utuh memperjuangkannya.
Di khutbah terakhirmu,saat kau memberitahu pada umatmu yang risalah ini telah lengkap,umatmu bergembira.Namun terbukti di sebalik semua itu,ALLAH mahu mengambilmu untuk memuliakanmu disisinya.Sahabat bagai tidak percaya dengan kewafatanmu hinggakan Umar menghunus pedangnya pada mereka yang mengatakan kau telah pergi.Umatmu bersedih namun Abu Bakr lantas berdiri dan berkata:
"oh people,whoever worship Muhammad,Muhammad is dead but whoever whorship ALLAH,ALLAH is alive and will never die"
Umatmu tersedar dan Umar rebah..Kekasih kepada semua umat yang bernyawa pada hari itu telah pergi..Pergi bertemu kekasihnya yang AGUNG!
Oh Muhammad ,rasulullah...
Sungguh kami merindui pertemuan denganmu...
Moga kami mendapat syafaatmu kelak.
Akan kami pelihara risalah ALLAH yang kau bawa
dan akan kami perjuangkan demi kasih kami pada ALLAH dan kau Rasulullah.
Kaulah pemimpin yang terbaik
Kaulah ayah yang paling penyayang
Kaulah suami yang paling berbudi pada isterimu
Kaulah panglima perang yang paling bijaksana
Kaulah selembut-lembut sahabat
Kaulah guru yang paling a'lim
Kaulah yang kami cintai dan sayangi
Kaulah Rasulullah s.a.w
Wallahua'lam.
Salam maulidur rasul
(ditulis secara ringkas,kesilapan fakta minta diberitahu segera)
ashabul a'raf
سورة الأعراف
46-51
Satu post ringkas yang rasa eager untuk dikongsi setelah mendapat penjelasan dari Ustazah Iffat sayang.Mungkin dah ramai yang tahu mengenai tafsiran ayat ini.Cuma mungkin sekadar mahu bagi booster dose untuk ingatan kita semua.
Siapa mereka Ashabul A'araf?
Selepas Mahsyar nanti,segala amalan dihisab dan dihitung mengikut timbangan Maha Adil,maka sekalian manusia berjalan di titian sirat menuju ke syurga dan di bawahnya terbentang luas neraka panas yang mengazab.
Para rasul,nabi dan auliya yang paling terkehadapan diikuti pada tabi' tabiian para mukmin dan solehin.Kaum yang kafir satu persatu jatuh ke bawah diazab neraka yang menyeksakan.
Sampai pada satu golongan timbangan amalan baik dan buruknya sama rata.Tidak mereka di syurga dan tidak jua di neraka
Mereka berpaling ke arah ahli syurga dan lantas memberi salam.Dan mereka bahagia melihat kenikmatan dan kebahagian syurga abadi milik pejuang Islam di dunia dulu.
Lalu berpaling jua mereka ke arah ahli neraka yang sedang diazab.Yang meminta-minta dari penghuni syurga sedikit air menghilangkan seksa dahaga dan panas mereka.Sedang mereka tidur di atas lantai api berselimutkan jua api.Tetapi segala kenikmatan syurga itu diharamkan kepada mereka.
Mereka berdoa supaya ALLAH tidak memasukkan mereka ke dalam golongan yang telah menzalimi diri mereka sendiri itu.
Maka,dengan rahmat ALLAH,mereka dimasukkan ke syurga.
Mereka inilah Ashabul A'araf.Dengan sifat MAHA PENYAYANG dan RAHMAT ALLAH ini mereka menikmati keindahan syurga.
Sedangkan para ahli neraka di seksa ALLAH dengan azab yang pedih dan ALLAH melupakan mereka sebagaimana mereka melupakan ALLAH semasa hidup mereka di dunia dahulu.
Beruntunglah mereka yang mendapat kasih sayang ALLAH
dan rugilah mereka yang mengundang murka ALLAH
Wallahualam
Selamat Tahun Baru 2010
Januari-bulan istimewa
1jan- keeyna yaakob
5jan- sharifah
6jan - dhah-siti amalina-wan nor izzati
8jan-RADIN
10jan - aqish
12JAN........> MINE
13JAN........> ADIK,rem aini
22jan - Madam Qiqi
23jan - Salihah sayang
25 jan - Syafaf
JOM SAMA SAYA
Setiap hari banyak sangat demands saya pada ALLAH.
Saya minta itu ,minta ini.Minta dimudahkan itu,dimudahkan ini.Lepas itu,saya merayu lagi pada ALLAH supaya dengar rintihan hati saya.Saya rasa kurang sempurna,kurang lengkap,saya minta lagi.Minta lagi dan lagi dan lagi.Saya tak pernah rasa jemu untuk meminta-minta.Saya minta kerana saya tahu ALLAH maha Pemberi.Sebab itu saya minta.
Tetapi hak ALLAH selalu saya langgar.Solat malam saya tak seberapa.AL Quran selalu saya tinggalkan.Hafalan saya lari menjauh.ALLAH kata jangan buat,saya buat.ALLAH larang jangan degil,saya degil.Tetapi bila ALLAH kata buat itu,saya enggan.ALLAH kata jaga perbuatan mu,saya butakan telinga.Bila ALLAH kata,jaga hatimu,saya warnakan ia hitam.Degil..saya degil.
Rasanya,ALLAH nak ke mudahkan apa saya minta? Erm...susah kan? Yela,sebab saya selalu sakiti ALLAH.Saya hanya pandai meminta tetapi saya bodoh dalam memberi yang terbaik pada ALLAH.Mesti ALLAH pandang saya dengan pandangan jijik kan? Sebab saya berterusan buat benda untuk sakiti ALLAH.Walau saya tahu ALLAH maha Pengampun tapi apakah patut saya terus sakiti ALLAH?
Saya minta itu,minta ini.Saya bergantung segala pada ALLAH tetapi pada masa sama,saya sakiti ALLAH.ALLAH tak rugi apa-apa sebab ALLAH tak perlukan saya langsung.Tetapi kalau ALLAH jauh dari saya,saya yang sangat rugi.Macam mana saya akan mampu bernafas kalau saya tiada ALLAH? Bagaimana mungkin saya mahu mengangkat kaki dan tangan saya untuk bekerja kalau ALLAH jauh dari saya??Eiiii,kecilnya saya.Hinanya saya.Tetapi kenapa saya masih bermegah pada kezaliman saya sendiri? Degilnya saya.
Tak malukah saya berterusan membuat ALLAH marah tetapi tanpa rasa bersalah saya terus menghamparkan demand2 saya padaNYA.Kalau lah saya buat benda sama pada manusia,mesti dah lama saya dilontar dengan batu mahupun diterajang jauh.Iyalah,saya meminta2 dari dia tetapi dalam masa sama saya sakiti dia.Tetapi ,ALLAH tak sama.ALLAH MAHA PENYAYANG...Siapa yang lebih mengasihi dari ALLAH?Takkan ada kan.DIA satunya,DIA yang ESA.
ALLAH pasti mudahkan permintaan dan hajat saya kalau saya sayang ALLAH dan buat segala ALLAH suruh dan jauhi apa ALLAH benci kan? ALLAH kan sayang pada hambaNYA yang taat.Saya nak jadi hamba yang taat la.Nanti,bila saya jadi hamba yang taat,ALLAH akan sayangi dan redhai saya.Bila ALLAH redhai saya,mesti saya sangat bahagia kan? Mesti ALLAH akan selalu bersama saya tidak kira susah mahupun senang kan? Hati saya mesti tenang dengan rahmat ALLAH.Dan bila rahmat ALLAH bersama saya,mesti semua2 demands saya tadi kalau itu yang terbaik,ALLAH akan mudahkan dan makbulkan.Kan? Kan?
Saya nak jadi hamba ALLAH yang terbaik la..
Jom la sama-sama dengan saya.
Saya minta itu ,minta ini.Minta dimudahkan itu,dimudahkan ini.Lepas itu,saya merayu lagi pada ALLAH supaya dengar rintihan hati saya.Saya rasa kurang sempurna,kurang lengkap,saya minta lagi.Minta lagi dan lagi dan lagi.Saya tak pernah rasa jemu untuk meminta-minta.Saya minta kerana saya tahu ALLAH maha Pemberi.Sebab itu saya minta.
Tetapi hak ALLAH selalu saya langgar.Solat malam saya tak seberapa.AL Quran selalu saya tinggalkan.Hafalan saya lari menjauh.ALLAH kata jangan buat,saya buat.ALLAH larang jangan degil,saya degil.Tetapi bila ALLAH kata buat itu,saya enggan.ALLAH kata jaga perbuatan mu,saya butakan telinga.Bila ALLAH kata,jaga hatimu,saya warnakan ia hitam.Degil..saya degil.
Rasanya,ALLAH nak ke mudahkan apa saya minta? Erm...susah kan? Yela,sebab saya selalu sakiti ALLAH.Saya hanya pandai meminta tetapi saya bodoh dalam memberi yang terbaik pada ALLAH.Mesti ALLAH pandang saya dengan pandangan jijik kan? Sebab saya berterusan buat benda untuk sakiti ALLAH.Walau saya tahu ALLAH maha Pengampun tapi apakah patut saya terus sakiti ALLAH?
Saya minta itu,minta ini.Saya bergantung segala pada ALLAH tetapi pada masa sama,saya sakiti ALLAH.ALLAH tak rugi apa-apa sebab ALLAH tak perlukan saya langsung.Tetapi kalau ALLAH jauh dari saya,saya yang sangat rugi.Macam mana saya akan mampu bernafas kalau saya tiada ALLAH? Bagaimana mungkin saya mahu mengangkat kaki dan tangan saya untuk bekerja kalau ALLAH jauh dari saya??Eiiii,kecilnya saya.Hinanya saya.Tetapi kenapa saya masih bermegah pada kezaliman saya sendiri? Degilnya saya.
Tak malukah saya berterusan membuat ALLAH marah tetapi tanpa rasa bersalah saya terus menghamparkan demand2 saya padaNYA.Kalau lah saya buat benda sama pada manusia,mesti dah lama saya dilontar dengan batu mahupun diterajang jauh.Iyalah,saya meminta2 dari dia tetapi dalam masa sama saya sakiti dia.Tetapi ,ALLAH tak sama.ALLAH MAHA PENYAYANG...Siapa yang lebih mengasihi dari ALLAH?Takkan ada kan.DIA satunya,DIA yang ESA.
ALLAH pasti mudahkan permintaan dan hajat saya kalau saya sayang ALLAH dan buat segala ALLAH suruh dan jauhi apa ALLAH benci kan? ALLAH kan sayang pada hambaNYA yang taat.Saya nak jadi hamba yang taat la.Nanti,bila saya jadi hamba yang taat,ALLAH akan sayangi dan redhai saya.Bila ALLAH redhai saya,mesti saya sangat bahagia kan? Mesti ALLAH akan selalu bersama saya tidak kira susah mahupun senang kan? Hati saya mesti tenang dengan rahmat ALLAH.Dan bila rahmat ALLAH bersama saya,mesti semua2 demands saya tadi kalau itu yang terbaik,ALLAH akan mudahkan dan makbulkan.Kan? Kan?
Saya nak jadi hamba ALLAH yang terbaik la..
Jom la sama-sama dengan saya.
apa yang tak terlihat oleh kamu
Salam sayang untuk semua
Moga terus berada dalam pandangan dan ampunan ALLAH yang mencipta.
Hari ini saya akan sentuh satu isu yang mungkin ramai tak sedar atau yang menganggap ini satu kebiasaan.Tetapi tulisan ini lebih kepada muhasabah diri saya sendiri.
Internet,satu teknologi satu perkembangan yang begitu memberi satu kelebihan dan menjadi seakan satu yang wajib pada kita.Facebook,yahoomesengger,blog dan segala macam alat alam siber ini andai digunakan pada baiknya perbuatan maka menjadi baiklah ia pada nilaan ALLAH tetapi andai sebaliknya yang terjadi,sama2lah kembali pada yang terbaik.
Isu ini mungkin nampak remeh tetapi mungkin kamu atau saya masih belum sedar implikasinya.Apakah yang saya cuba sampaikan sebenarnya?
Fenomena sekeliling membuat saya terfikir.Ini situasinya.
Kamu yang perempuan atau lelakinya tergelak2 di meja studymu.Apa yang kamu gelakkan.Tiba-tiba kamu memanggil kawan2 kamu,kamu bercerita dan kemudian kamu2 beramai2 bergelak ketawa.Kemudian terjadilah perbualan yang mungkin pada kamu biasa tetapi tanpa kamu sedar kamu sedang menjatuhkan diri kamu.
Mari lihat apa ada di meja study kamu..Oh laptop sedang terbuka.Ada yang sedang "buzz".Lihat,lelaki sedang bercerita dengan kamu.Oh kamu lelaki sedang seronok melayan perempuan.
Tidak,alasan kamu,kami berkerja.Maka Islam tidak menghalang kami.Kami punya niat yang betul.Baik.Jika itu alasanmu.Kita lihat pada jalur2 perbualan mu.Mari kita nisbahkan perbualan pekerjaan yang kamu maksudkan itu.Berapa % dari seluruhnya? 2% atau -50%?
Tidak,kami berbincang tentang ISlam.Isu yang sedang terjadi.Memikirkan cara memulihkan umat ini.Tengok,kami selitkan hadis,ayat AlQuran.Kami pendakwah yang sedang mencari satu titik kekuatan.Oh~
Baik.Itu bagus.Kamu memang bagus.
Eh,sang lelaki punya status kontroversi.Jom tegur dia.Nak tengok apa reaksi dia,seronok juga dapat gelak2 bersama.Maka kamu pun "buzz" dan lelaki itu membalas dengan ikon :P...Hatimu melonjak.Dimulakan perbualan dengan bersahaja atas nama kawan.Berbual lah kamu tentang itu tentang ini.Eh,lelaki itu juga macam best untuk di "buzz" maka kamu buzz atau kamu mulakan dengan lafaz "salam" dan ikon2 di YM.Maka berterusan perbualan kamu si perempuan dengan lelaki-lelaki yang kamu anggap kawan yang menjadi tempat kamu bergelak ketawa,menjadi isu topik perbualan kamu dan kawan2 kamu,menjadikan waktu tidurmu singkat hingga siangmu terbuang dengan tidurmu berpanjangan.
Wallahual'am
Moga terus berada dalam pandangan dan ampunan ALLAH yang mencipta.
Hari ini saya akan sentuh satu isu yang mungkin ramai tak sedar atau yang menganggap ini satu kebiasaan.Tetapi tulisan ini lebih kepada muhasabah diri saya sendiri.
Internet,satu teknologi satu perkembangan yang begitu memberi satu kelebihan dan menjadi seakan satu yang wajib pada kita.Facebook,yahoomesengger,blog dan segala macam alat alam siber ini andai digunakan pada baiknya perbuatan maka menjadi baiklah ia pada nilaan ALLAH tetapi andai sebaliknya yang terjadi,sama2lah kembali pada yang terbaik.
Isu ini mungkin nampak remeh tetapi mungkin kamu atau saya masih belum sedar implikasinya.Apakah yang saya cuba sampaikan sebenarnya?
Fenomena sekeliling membuat saya terfikir.Ini situasinya.
Kamu yang perempuan atau lelakinya tergelak2 di meja studymu.Apa yang kamu gelakkan.Tiba-tiba kamu memanggil kawan2 kamu,kamu bercerita dan kemudian kamu2 beramai2 bergelak ketawa.Kemudian terjadilah perbualan yang mungkin pada kamu biasa tetapi tanpa kamu sedar kamu sedang menjatuhkan diri kamu.
Mari lihat apa ada di meja study kamu..Oh laptop sedang terbuka.Ada yang sedang "buzz".Lihat,lelaki sedang bercerita dengan kamu.Oh kamu lelaki sedang seronok melayan perempuan.
Tidak,alasan kamu,kami berkerja.Maka Islam tidak menghalang kami.Kami punya niat yang betul.Baik.Jika itu alasanmu.Kita lihat pada jalur2 perbualan mu.Mari kita nisbahkan perbualan pekerjaan yang kamu maksudkan itu.Berapa % dari seluruhnya? 2% atau -50%?
Tidak,kami berbincang tentang ISlam.Isu yang sedang terjadi.Memikirkan cara memulihkan umat ini.Tengok,kami selitkan hadis,ayat AlQuran.Kami pendakwah yang sedang mencari satu titik kekuatan.Oh~
Baik.Itu bagus.Kamu memang bagus.
Eh,sang lelaki punya status kontroversi.Jom tegur dia.Nak tengok apa reaksi dia,seronok juga dapat gelak2 bersama.Maka kamu pun "buzz" dan lelaki itu membalas dengan ikon :P...Hatimu melonjak.Dimulakan perbualan dengan bersahaja atas nama kawan.Berbual lah kamu tentang itu tentang ini.Eh,lelaki itu juga macam best untuk di "buzz" maka kamu buzz atau kamu mulakan dengan lafaz "salam" dan ikon2 di YM.Maka berterusan perbualan kamu si perempuan dengan lelaki-lelaki yang kamu anggap kawan yang menjadi tempat kamu bergelak ketawa,menjadi isu topik perbualan kamu dan kawan2 kamu,menjadikan waktu tidurmu singkat hingga siangmu terbuang dengan tidurmu berpanjangan.
Eh,esok boleh dibawa berbual lagi.Seronok!
Wahai sahabiah ku bergelar muslimah,inikah yang kita cari.Perbuatan inikah yang kita mahukan sehari-hari.Mungkin bagi kamu ini biasa.Tetapi tanpa kamu sedar,perbuatan kamu yang terlalu biasa dengan lelaki menjadikan kamu sedikit demi sedikit di pandang rendah.Lelaki itu,lelaki ini,yang di situ yang disana,semuanya kamu kenal.Semuanya tempat kamu bergelak sesama kamu.Tanpa kamu sedar nilai ketinggian maruahmu makin pudar.
Maka bertemulah lelaki2 itu sesama mereka.Bercerita mereka tentang kamu.Kamu yang baik dengan semua mereka.Berchatting,bergurau,mencari topik perbualan sia-sia untuk dimulakan.Kamu fikir,apa pandangan mereka pada kamu?Terlalu mudahkan kamu pada semua lelaki? Beginikah muslimah yang perlu mereka hormati?
Bukankah sepatutnya dirimu itu engkau khususkan hanya pada seorang lelaki,seorang lelaki yang bakal menjadi suamimu.Tempat dirimu mencurah sayang dan rindumu.Tempat dirimu mencari erti bahagia dan senang? Simpanlah dirimu,percakapanmu,perbuatanmu untuk Dia yang ALLAH dah khususkan padamu.Tidakkah kamu merasa kamu telah mengkhianati bakal suami kamu dengan perbuatan kamu sekarang ini? Segala apa yang patut kamu berikan pada dia terlebih dahulu kamu agihkan pada lelaki yang kamu berchatting dan menghabiskan masa kamu itu? Mengapa tidak masa kamu itu kamu gunakan untuk membina yang terbaik dalam diri kamu supaya nanti yang terbaik itu dapat kamu berikan pada selayaknya.
Wahai sahabiah ku bergelar muslimah,inikah yang kita cari.Perbuatan inikah yang kita mahukan sehari-hari.Mungkin bagi kamu ini biasa.Tetapi tanpa kamu sedar,perbuatan kamu yang terlalu biasa dengan lelaki menjadikan kamu sedikit demi sedikit di pandang rendah.Lelaki itu,lelaki ini,yang di situ yang disana,semuanya kamu kenal.Semuanya tempat kamu bergelak sesama kamu.Tanpa kamu sedar nilai ketinggian maruahmu makin pudar.
Maka bertemulah lelaki2 itu sesama mereka.Bercerita mereka tentang kamu.Kamu yang baik dengan semua mereka.Berchatting,bergurau,mencari topik perbualan sia-sia untuk dimulakan.Kamu fikir,apa pandangan mereka pada kamu?Terlalu mudahkan kamu pada semua lelaki? Beginikah muslimah yang perlu mereka hormati?
Bukankah sepatutnya dirimu itu engkau khususkan hanya pada seorang lelaki,seorang lelaki yang bakal menjadi suamimu.Tempat dirimu mencurah sayang dan rindumu.Tempat dirimu mencari erti bahagia dan senang? Simpanlah dirimu,percakapanmu,perbuatanmu untuk Dia yang ALLAH dah khususkan padamu.Tidakkah kamu merasa kamu telah mengkhianati bakal suami kamu dengan perbuatan kamu sekarang ini? Segala apa yang patut kamu berikan pada dia terlebih dahulu kamu agihkan pada lelaki yang kamu berchatting dan menghabiskan masa kamu itu? Mengapa tidak masa kamu itu kamu gunakan untuk membina yang terbaik dalam diri kamu supaya nanti yang terbaik itu dapat kamu berikan pada selayaknya.
Mungkin bagi kamu perbuatan kamu itu biasa kerana kamu tidak punya apa perasaan pada lelaki2 itu.Tapi kamu harus sedar,perbuatan biasa2 kamu itu menghakis tanpa kamu sedar maruah yang mulia yang kamu miliki.Pada pendapat kamu,apa pandangan suami kamu bila mana suatu hari sedang kamu berjalan bersamanya,tiba2 seorang lelaki lain menegur dan berkata :
"Eh,dulu kita selalu chat2 kan.Tak sangka ko da kawen skrg"
"Eh,dulu kita selalu chat2 kan.Tak sangka ko da kawen skrg"
Atau suamimu keluar bekerja atau beriadah.Tiba2 berjumpa kenalan baru.Suamimu bercerita tentang kamu dan tiba2 kenalan baru suamimu berkata:
"Lorrr..tu kawan aku dulu tu.Masa blaja dulu dia la slalu duk buzz2 aku.Chat2 maen teka teki,mcm2 lagi.seronok weyh!"
Apa rasa suamimu?Dikhianati? Tidak! Kerana perbuatan itu sebelum kamu berjumpa dengan suamimu.!! Marahnya suamimu ditambah rasa malu.Ini isteri aku yang tak menjaga batas pergaulannya dulu.Betapa dia telah mengkhianati aku walaupun sebelum dia berjumpa dengan aku dan menerima aku sebagai suami.Kecewa aku!
Huh,apa lagi kawan2? Nak ke kita seperti itu?Mengkhianati dia walaupun dia tak lagi kita temui!! Dia yang sepatutnya kita letakkan sebagai yang utama dah jadi yang terbawah dengan perbuatan kita itu.
Bukanlah saya menolak hubungan lelaki-perempuan kerana mana mungkin kesalingan ini mampu dinafikan.ALLAH yang telah mencipta segalanya berpasangan namun harus diingat mengapa kita harus dekat pada yang bukan pasangan kita semata untuk menghabiskan masa kita...Untuk tujuan kebaikan,teruskanlah.Cuma yang merasakan perbuatan mereka itu hanya untuk suka2 maka kita masih punya masa.
"Lorrr..tu kawan aku dulu tu.Masa blaja dulu dia la slalu duk buzz2 aku.Chat2 maen teka teki,mcm2 lagi.seronok weyh!"
Apa rasa suamimu?Dikhianati? Tidak! Kerana perbuatan itu sebelum kamu berjumpa dengan suamimu.!! Marahnya suamimu ditambah rasa malu.Ini isteri aku yang tak menjaga batas pergaulannya dulu.Betapa dia telah mengkhianati aku walaupun sebelum dia berjumpa dengan aku dan menerima aku sebagai suami.Kecewa aku!
Huh,apa lagi kawan2? Nak ke kita seperti itu?Mengkhianati dia walaupun dia tak lagi kita temui!! Dia yang sepatutnya kita letakkan sebagai yang utama dah jadi yang terbawah dengan perbuatan kita itu.
Bukanlah saya menolak hubungan lelaki-perempuan kerana mana mungkin kesalingan ini mampu dinafikan.ALLAH yang telah mencipta segalanya berpasangan namun harus diingat mengapa kita harus dekat pada yang bukan pasangan kita semata untuk menghabiskan masa kita...Untuk tujuan kebaikan,teruskanlah.Cuma yang merasakan perbuatan mereka itu hanya untuk suka2 maka kita masih punya masa.
Maka,batasi pergaulanmu,jaga percakapanmu,jaga perbuatanmu.Khususkan ia hanya untuk yang telah tertulis padamu oleh ALLAH , pencipta kita
Wallahual'am
berhenti jadi segelas air
Penat membaca Pharmacology,Salicylate,saya merewang membaca blog2 orang.Dan terjumpa satu post yang sangat menarik.Sama2 baca ya...
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Seorang guru sufi mendatangi seorang muridnya ketika wajahnya belakangan ini selalu tampak murung.
“Kenapa kau selalu murung, nak? Bukankah banyak hal yang indah di dunia ini? Ke mana perginya wajah bersyukurmu?” sang Guru bertanya.
“Guru, belakangan ini hidup saya penuh masalah. Sulit bagi saya untuk tersenyum. Masalah datang seperti tak ada habis-habisnya,” jawab sang murid muda.
Sang Guru terkekeh. “Nak, ambil segelas air dan dua genggam garam. Bawalah kemari. Biar kuperbaiki suasana hatimu itu.”
Si murid pun beranjak pelan tanpa semangat. Ia laksanakan permintaan gurunya itu, lalu kembali lagi membawa gelas dan garam sebagaimana yang diminta.
“Coba ambil segenggam garam, dan masukkan ke segelas air itu,” kata Sang Guru, “setelah itu kau minum airnya.”
Si murid pun melakukannya. Wajahnya kini meringis karena meminum air asin.
“Bagaimana rasanya?” tanya Sang Guru.
“Asin, dan perutku jadi mual,” jawab si murid dengan wajah yang masih meringis.
Sang Guru terkekeh-kekeh melihat wajah muridnya yang meringis keasinan.
“Sekarang kau ikut aku.” Sang Guru membawa muridnya ke danau di dekat tempat mereka. “Ambil garam yang tersisa, dan tebarkan ke danau.”
Si murid menebarkan segenggam garam yang tersisa ke danau, tanpa bicara. Rasa asin di mulutnya belum hilang. Ia ingin meludahkan rasa asin dari mulutnya, tapi tak dilakukannya. Rasanya tak sopan meludah di hadapan mursyid, begitu pikirnya.
“Sekarang, coba kau minum air danau itu,” kata Sang Guru sambil mencari batu yang cukup datar untuk didudukinya, tepat di pinggir danau.
Si murid menangkupkan kedua tangannya, mengambil air danau, dan membawanya ke mulutnya lalu meneguknya. Ketika air danau yang dingin dan segar mengalir di tenggorokannya, Sang Guru bertanya kepadanya, “Bagaimana rasanya?”
“Segar, segar sekali,” kata si murid sambil mengelap bibirnya dengan punggung tangannya. Tentu saja, danau ini berasal dari aliran sumber air di atas sana. Dan airnya mengalir menjadi sungai kecil di bawah. Dan sudah pasti, air danau ini juga menghilangkan rasa asin yang tersisa di mulutnya.
“Terasakah rasa garam yang kau tebarkan tadi?”
“Tidak sama sekali,” kata si murid sambil mengambil air dan meminumnya lagi. Sang Guru hanya tersenyum memperhatikannya, membiarkan muridnya itu meminum air danau sampai puas.
“Nak,” kata Sang Guru setelah muridnya selesai minum. “Segala masalah dalam hidup itu seperti segenggam garam. Tidak kurang, tidak lebih. Hanya segenggam garam. Banyaknya masalah dan penderitaan yang harus kau alami sepanjang kehidupanmu itu sudah dikadar oleh Allah, sesuai untuk dirimu. Jumlahnya tetap, segitu-segitu saja, tidak berkurang dan tidak bertambah. Setiap manusia yang lahir ke dunia ini pun demikian. Tidak ada satu pun manusia, walaupun dia seorang Nabi, yang bebas dari penderitaan dan masalah.”
Si murid terdiam, mendengarkan.
“Tapi Nak, rasa ‘asin’ dari penderitaan yang dialami itu sangat tergantung dari besarnya qalbu yang menampungnya. Jadi Nak, supaya tidak merasa menderita, berhentilah jadi gelas. Jadikan qalbu dalam dadamu itu jadi sebesar danau.”
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Dalam fatrah exam yang serba mencabar ini,jom sediakan diri kita dengan segala kekuatan yang ada.
Redha itu pada saat pertama
Apa lagi...terima segala kurniaan DIA tanpa rasa kecewa dan mengeluh walau sedikit
Good luck kawan-kawan
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Bersama cari redha DIA
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